introvert | pjm

nine

jimin's pov

i didn't mean it, really. i wasn't careful to my words but that's not really what i mean.

she's an optimistic person, and i have to admit, i like that. i'm the opposite so probably, there's nothing to expect from me.

i let out a sigh while walking, then i saw her, with that guy again. they look so happy. that guy even clings his arm around her shoulders. she just said she likes me but why is she hanging out with that guy?

seriously, what's with them? they're sore to my eyes. i hate seeing lovey-dovey people around.

now, i saw them eating together in the canteen, just them. it annoys me more. i didn't finish my food earlier so i grabbed them out again and went back to another table in the canteen.

most people here are looking at me weirdly. damn, i hate getting others' attention that i don't even need. i sat near those two. i have to be sorry for myself, i deserve this. i saw her look at me but she just ignored me and started laughing with that hoseok.

hoseok left eunjung for a while, i think he'll buy something. i took the chance and approached eunjung.

"hey, i'm sorry." i said scratching my nape.

"it's alright." she said without looking at me, it's not alright, i can see it.

"no, it's not. eunjung, i'm really sorry."

"wow, you know my name." she laughed bitterly.

"of course."

"how would i know when you don't even pay attention to me?"

i sighed, she might be thinking that i'm just ignoring her. well, that's wrong. i'm just completely a fool for not telling what i want and for being such a shy shit.

"look, i'm sorry. forgive me please. i didn't really mean what i've said earlier. i'm not good at apologizing, i mean i'm not good at talking in general, but i'm sincere about this. just please stop ignoring me."

she was about to speak when that hoseok comes to me, "what do you think you're doing?"

"i'm talking to her so move away." i tried to push him away but he moved closer and grabbed my collar.

"do you think she's easy to get?" he smirked.

"are you her boyfriend? you're not, right? so stop acting like you are." i pushed him hard that made him fall onto the ground.

"hoseok!" she went to hoseok and guided him to stand up, "park jimin, just stop. i'm forgiving you, okay? just stop bothering us."

"o-okay, sorry."

i ran away.

jimin, you're such a fool. you're very stupid. you're useless. you're annoying. you're a piece of shit.

i knocked my head continuously onto the wall. i don't even know which part of the school i am right now.

i shouted with all i can, letting my anger out, but it's not enough.

everybody hates me. eunjung, my entire family, and my old friend.

*2 years ago*

"hey jimin, let's go for a coffee today." my friend, taehyung said.

"sure, but are you really alright?"

"yeah, that death threat isn't a thing for me." he smiled showing his teeth.

i just bowed my head down a little and gave him a small smile.

"but jimin, who do you think who has been sending me those death threats in my locker? i even received a dead bird. i mean, i know a lot of students hate me but, do they really have to give me death threats just because i hurt a lot of students here? they're annoying, i have a reason to hurt them. punching exchange for death threats? that's so shitty, dude."

"i don't know."

"it's a good thing that you're still my friend with this attitude of mine." he laughed.

while we're having a coffee, taehyung scrunched up his forehead while looking on his phone.

"damn, this is so funny. what the fuck." he laughed but it looks like it's fake.

"w-what is it?" i asked.

"look jimin, just look," he showed me  his phone with a text message.

a text message telling that i'm the one who has been putting those threats in taehyung's locker.

"who the hell would think that it's you? this is so plain stupid. this is not even true."

i kept quiet. i didn't move. i just remained silent.

"hey jimin, this is just a joke, right?"

i bowed my head.

"what? jimin, this is a joke. tell me."

my conscience will never stop bothering me if i don't tell him the truth.

"taehyung, it's not a joke. it's all true. i'm the one who has been sending you those."

"are you serious?"

"yes."

"so it was you all this time? but why?" he sounded very sad.

"i don't have to tell you asides from the fact that you're a shithead bully."

"i know i am. oh well, are you going to kill me now? go on. we're not friends anymore so you can do whatever you want."

"i'm not going to kill you."

"then what are all those threats for if you're not going to kill me?"

"i'm not the one who wants to kill you. i'm just the bridge. i know our friendship will be over after you get to know about this. we both messed up. i have to go."

i left him inside the coffee shop.

taehyung's haters in school planned this, not me. and those haters are the ones whom taehyung hurt. they asked me if i could help them sending those threats. as his best friend, of course i wouldn't do that. but when i knew taehyung hurt the girl i like for years, i was convinced. i know i shouldn't do that but i got blinded by that and sent him those.

i'm now at a bench. i saw joonhye, the girl i like with a guy. and guess what? they're kissing.

i betrayed my best friend in exchange for seeing the girl i like with another guy. i replaced my best friend for a girl with a boyfriend. just damn.

i'm so stupid. very stupid.

from that day, i started cutting classes, staying somewhere else. my parents knew about this, and they also started hating me, my parents told my whole family that i'm a disgrace to our family and how foolish i was.

because of that, i became useless to every person. no one cared about me. yes, my parents still supports me and yera financially but they never really cared about me as their son. so i just took my sister with me. i just want to live my life with my sister.

this is the time i'm saying that i'll never have a friend anymore, it's because i don't deserve any friends.

but yeah, shit happens, it happens that i like kang eunjung this time.