Before I Go

The secret I should have kept from Ethan

The morning after the party I realized I forgot to tell Ethan what he did. I didn't want to keep this secret from him but I also didn't want him to feel like it was his fault. Then my mom and I walked into Ethan's room. I realized I had to do this I had to and If I didn't everything would be a blur to him and he would find out somehow. I sat next to him on the bed and then he looked at me and said "am I getting some kind of pep talk because I'm pretty sure I was already taught this in school-". I cut him off (I tend to do that a lot) "Ethan if we were giving you that talk I wouldn't be in here". He then said "what did I do...?". I just couldn't help the fact that he was clueless and I couldn't help the fact that he had no idea and that when he found out he would be heart broken. We then told him the story and he said with tears in his eyes and a quite voice "I did this to you......I almost killed my sister.......I may be the one thing that killed my sister". He started crying and he looked at me and said "I'm so so so sorry Nova if I would have never been to that party and would have never of excepted the cigarette you wouldn't of gotten cancer". I instantly felt terrible. "Ethan it's ok it isn't your fault just because you were the one that did this doesn't mean I don't love you... your my brother and family doesn't get left behind" I said. He told me that it was ok now and he felt better but I know he didn't and I thought that if I just left him alone he would be better....
then in the middle of the night my mother and I woke up to the sound of a gun shot. My mom instantly woke up and ran to baileys room because she already saw that I was up then she ran to go get Ethan but his door was locked. Then she started screaming with tears "Ethan! Ethan! Ethan why is your door locked Ethan!" Then Bailey ran to go get a spoon she said "I'm digging him up mommy I'm going to get him out of there" then my mother and I searched though the house for the family keys. Then we heard another Gun shot. "ETHAN!!!!!!!!!!" Then we heard 3 more. I finally found the key then I unlocked the door and saw Ethan's legs covered in blood and him lying on the floor my mom called 911. I was crying this was my fault he was trying to take his life because he thought he was taking mine. He was still breathing.... I took the gun out of his hand and gave it to me mom and she put it on the table and said "Bailey don't touch that!!!!!!! And wait at the door for the police" Bailey knew what was happening. She was crying. Then I put my focus back on Ethan and took my hands and stroked the, through his short brown hair and told him "Ethan listen to me don't you ever do that again I love you so much I don't know what i would do if you were gone... your going to be ok I promise you that" them the police came and he was taken to the hospital
Bailey, my mom, and I were all sitting at the hospital waiting room. Bailey was in my arms crying and I told her "Bailey listen to me ok it's going to be ok I know your only 5 and this is scary for you but I want you to know your not alone through this ok bailey". Then the doctor came out my mom immediately stood up and looked at them and they said "Ethan's going to be ok but unfortunately he was paralyzed from the legs down and he used wooden bullets so we couldn't have taken them out and since they were spread across his legs we had to have the surgeons amputate them" my mom looked at them and said "as long as he is ok he deserves better than that..... can we see him". Then the doctor said "he's recovering from surgery you can go in but I don't think he will wake up" then I walked past the doctor then he saw my long brown hair and said.... "did your hair grow back that fast" I looked at him knowing he was just trying to make me feel better so I went along and said "no actually I was just diagnosed". Then he said "oh the other doctors didn't do the last test". I said "no...why?". He the. Said follow me to this room. Then I got my head shaved. And they gave me a wig that went with it but I didn't put it on yet. Then I walked into the room and saw Ethan was awake and jaw dropping along with bailey because I didn't have any hair. "NOVA IS BALD!!!!!!!" Then we all laughed. Then I sat next to Ethan and said "Ethan why did you do this". Then he said "I felt like taking your life away and not having to pay for this wasn't fair". I said "Ethan did you ever stop to think that if you died and I died mom would be left with 2 of her kids dead did you ever stop to think that I would be able to beat this! Did you just think I wasn't strong enough to get through this-" he cut me off "NOVA!!!! I'm sorry that I thought I was loosing my sister and I was upset that it was my fault and I'm not aloud to worry about you anymore". I felt really bad I gave him a hug and said "Ethan I'm sorry I shouldn't of done that i was just worried"
Then Stefan ran into the room... I had forgot that I called him last night when Ethan was being exported to the hospital. Then Ethan said "Look Nova your boyfr-" I cut him off "ETHAN!".............