Middle School Broke Me

Chapter four

After Haley showed me what to do, I was confused. So many questions ran through my head. Does this really work? Will it make me feel better? Can I be happy again? What if my parents found out? I'll hide it.
I picked up a knife. I've never done this before, I didn't know what it would do. I was home alone. I rolled up my sleeve, and took a deep breath. Seconds later blood was dripping down my wrist. I felt the emotional pain leave my body, and transfer onto my arm. No more emotional pain, just physical. I felt myself slide the knife across my body, over, and over, and over again. I felt so much better, this actually worked.
The next morning I told Norman about it. He was upset, but it's not like cutting your wrist will do anything too bad. So I cut, every night I feel bad.

It's October and people won't stop bulling me. I feel sad, cut, then I'm alright. It burns to cut, but it's worth it. I wish I had known about this earlier, but luckily no one knows about me doing it. Just me, Norman, and Haley. I'm still not happy at school. Everyone asks me "what's wrong?" but I say that I'm fine. I am not fine. I don't like it when people bully me. It makes me not want to be alive anymore. But I could never leave Norman.

It's November now and it's getting cold. Luckily, Norman is such a gentlemen, he gives me his jacket, walks me to class, and holds my backpack. He is absolutely the best boy friend ever. At least that's what I thought, until today. I went home and had dinner, then my mom got a phone call. She told me and my dad to come up stairs. It turns out Normans parents caught us dating. We're both not aloud to date, so our parents forced us to brake up. It was terrible. I loved him, I didn't want to leave him. We still liked each other, but we couldn't be together. It hurt, but we both knew we still had feelings. We still hung out at lunch, but it wasn't the same. We text and facetime, that wasn't the same either. Everything is so complicated I just wish my parents understood.

It has been 4 days since Norman and I broke up. I can feel us drifting apart. We moved seats again in science, he sits 2 rows ahead of me, but never looks back at me. I always look up at him, I wish we were still together. I still have feelings for him, but we don't talk as much as we used to. The bell rang, I grabbed my things and started walking to third period but Norman didn't wait for me. Instead he ran up with his other friends. What happened to us? How come he is so distance? I couldn't stop thinking about him and that just gave me another reason to cut. The next day I come to school and Norman isn't sitting where he usually sits. He is with other people, but he always hangs out with me. The other people he was with are the ones that are mean to me. I don't want to, but I go over there.
"Ew, why are you here?" Norman asks me.
"What? What do you mean, I thought we were friends?"
"I don't know why I was ever friends with you. You are the worst person I ever met."
I turn around at run to the bathroom. People were staring at me and giving me weird looks, "Run, Erin. Run! Go Erin, run away from him," They mock me. I sit in the bathroom and just cry until the bell rings. I would have never thought that he out of all people would stop being friends with me. And out of a the things he could have said, he said that? Why? I wiped away my tears and went on with the rest of the school day. After school I text Haley. But she wasn't there for me.
"You know, Erin you kinda deserved that."
I was braking. No one was there for me. My crush is now bulling me, my best friend lives thousands of miles away, and my "best friend" is being a jerk. What do I do?