Reawakening

Chapter Sixteen

Tris

When I left the simulation room after that completely humiliating fear sim that I was unlucky enough to have Tobias watch, I found myself heading to the Chasm. As soon as I realized where I was going, though, I turned around and walked the other way, trying to concentrate well enough to find someplace else to be alone. The Chasm is our  place, Tobias and mine. I can't go there now. Eventually, I ended up at the net.

I lay there for hours, missing dinner entirely, trying to sort out my emotions and all the thoughts in my head- thoughts running through so fast that I could hardly comprehend them. Tobias has never given me any reason to doubt his feelings for me- quite the opposite. He has done nothing that should lead me to even consider that he would ever use me like that. And yet, somewhere deep inside me, I must still believe that I am not enough for him.

And why wouldn't I? Look at him! He's gorgeous. He's a Dauntless prodigy, a living legend. The man with only four fears. He could have any girl he wants, and I still can't understand why he would ever want me, of all people. I am not ugly but I'm certainly not pretty... though Tobias sometimes made me believe that maybe I am. I don't have all the soft curves that other girls have. And after everything I have been through, I feel like I am so weak, so broken. How could he love me? Furthermore, the intensity of my feelings for him  certainly give the perfect opportunity for him to exploit them if he ever wanted to. I know Tobias well enough to be certain that he isn't like that, but sometimes the heart doesn't listen to the mind.

Besides that whole humiliating experience today, there is the disappointment over what Uriah overheard in Erudite yesterday. I suppose it's still possible that Caleb is only playing Jeanine and he doesn't really believe the things Uriah heard him say, but I can't take the risk. I can only assume that what Uriah and Marlene overheard is proof that Caleb is not to be trusted. I need to get word to my parents, but I don't know how, nor do I know how to convince them that I am right. If I were in their shoes, I would not want to believe that my own son would betray me that way, and had I not been through it all myself, I probably would never believe my brother could do such a thing.

But he did.

I'm still mulling over all of these thoughts in my head when I leave the net and walk around the compound. It is past curfew, so I don't see anyone around. Perfect- peaceful and quiet is just what I need right now.

Unfortunately, I am so distracted that I forget to keep my guard up until it is too late. I am at the opposite end of the pit from where the Chasm is when a hand covers my mouth while the other wraps around my waist, lifting my feet off the floor. I try to scream, but the hand muffles the sound. I bite down hard on the fingers and taste blood; as the now bloody hand releases my mouth, the one around my waist loosens its grip slightly and this is my chance. I twist out of his hold, now facing him.

He's wearing a black mask, but I rip it off, and it's just who I would have expected it to be: Peter. He punches at my temple, and I jerk away in time to only get hit in the jaw. I stagger back and he kicks my ribs, but I roll away and get to my feet before he can get in a second kick.

The world is spinning around me and I brush my fingers against the cold stone floor to keep from falling over. He lunges at me and I dodge him, elbowing him hard in the stomach. He takes a few steps back, doubled over, and I have time to regain my balance a bit more before his next assault.

This time, when he comes at me, I'm ready. I dodge a punch aimed for my throat, and he has thrown too much of his body into it. I take advantage of his compromised balance, kicking his knee, then sweeping his feet out from under him. He falls to the floor and I kick and punch, over and over, seeing red just like I did during our final fight last week.