I Came Here For A Quick Fck But Got Married Instead

Chapter 5

Chapter Text

By the time Eren woke up, it was around 12 o'clock on Friday morning. It was a Friday. Great. He'd probably have loads of messages asking him to go out tonight, but he really didn't feel up to it at the moment.

Although, that might be because; during the night he fell off the couch as he was sleeping and woke up on the floor that morning (afternoon actually). So he slept on the couch for part of the night and the floor for the other part, which made his body ache all over, especially the neck area.

Knowing he'd have a few messages to check, he sat up and pulled the thin blanket from him and looked for his phone on the floor. He failed to see it, before crouching down and looking under the actual couch itself and furrowed his eyebrows when he saw it all the way in the middle of the floor under the couch.

It was too much effort to get it back.

But effort he had to forget about so he could get it.

So that's what he did.

He sat up, turned fully to face the couch with his knees on the floor and hands on the bottom of the couch ready to lift it up. Armin was always surprised by Eren being able to lift his very huge, big and heavy couch up so easily, not even Jean lifted it with such ease.

He pulled up, muscles in his arms flexing as he did so, and once he felt happy with its position in the air, he lowered his body, keeping the couch in place as he reached to try and grab his phone from under it. He managed to touch the phone with his fingertips but was still too far away. He tried to push his arm out as far as possible before he finally grabbed his phone and pulled it out, then lowering the couch and pushing it back into place.

"Got you", he mumbled to himself, turning it on and noticing it still had at least half a battery left. Surprisingly, he only had a few texts messages and Facebook messages from his friends asking about rocking it out at Maria's Bar in Town that night. He knew what they'd all be asking him, knew what they'd all have most probably said to him, so he decided to ignore them for now and check out the notifications he'd gotten on Grindr.

He went straight to where he'd left off; ignoring all the newer messages so far and checking the one's that had come in earlier. He just continued deleting the messages from guys who he didn't like the look of, or the old guys or boring guys or the guys who'd sent unwanted dick picks and so on~

Eren barely had any conversations with anyone, he found it hard finding good looking people to take his sweet virginity from him, or people to find him either.

Once he got to the top, after deleting all the boring messages that consisted once again of dick pics and simple "hi's" or "hello gorgeous", he saw a message that caught his eye. The profile picture was the thing that mostly caught his eye though.

It was a headshot that looked quite professional  to say the least, of a man. He had pale skin and slight stubble in the picture, but his skin still looked smooth. His eyes, an unusual colour of silver, were absolutely beautiful. They did make the man seem like he were extremely angry, and was frowning. Eren thought it just made him look hotter, if not scarier.

His hair was a dark Raven black, the parting slightly to the side from the centre, and an undercut to finish it off. It completed the man's look. Especially the outfit (although all Eren could see was a completely-free-of-crinkles-and-creases black shirt with and silver shiny tie, which reminded Eren of the man's eyes and hair. It made the man who went by just 'Levi' look like a bad-boy celebrity, since the picture again looked quite professional itself.

Yeah, Eren decided to stalk the guys profile before checking what this 'Levi' person had said to him.

Who could blame him?

The guy had one more picture of himself on Grindr, not a headshot though. Now he was posing, just the top half of his body. He didn't look too pleased about it, he looked like he was being forced.

He was wearing a simple white shirt with a black waistcoat, he was looking into the camera and his mouth was slightly open. Eren felt like it was calling him in. Levi had his arm up, his hand looking like it was running through his hair, messing it up slightly but still making it look hot as fuck. The top three buttons were open, revealing some of his smooth, hairless chest. His other arm was at his side, he was definitely doing a professional looking pose.

Eren thought for a moment. What if this guy was a catfish? It was one of those moments when someone was just too hot to be talking to you (in your mind anyway). That's what Eren was thinking, sure he's popular and all, but he's not a celebrity yet he has a sexy ass guy like this motherfucker sending him messages.

'Well, I guess I'll take my chance', he thought, deciding to ignore his bio and just look at what the man had said to him.

He stared at the chat for a moment, squeezing his eyes shut before clicking the chat and slowly opening his eyes to look at the message he'd been sent by the hot-possibly-catfish-Levi.

Levi has sent you a message.

Levi: 'Hellooo! How are you?~'

Levi: 'Got a nice dick to go with them abs of yours?'

If Eren was drinking a drink, he'd probably have spat it out when he read that. That was definitely not formal, and not some crappy message. Like holy shit, this guy sounded like he wanted to fuck, and didn't sound like some innocent young person. Not to mention the fact that the guy in the picture does not look the type to say such a thing, it's seems sort of... out of character? That's what Eren though, anyhow. The man had a stern looking expression on his face, strict almost.

This person also didn't know how to hold back.

So, Eren started writing out a reply.

And then  he sent it.

Eren: 'Uh, hi? Well, that depends on whether you think my dick is good or not:/'

It took about 5 minutes before he got a reply from the man, and Eren was totally not staring at his phone's screen waiting for his response, no not at all sir no!

Levi: 'I'm sorry about what I said to you first, it wasn't even me, it was my friend, she stole my phone and I'm so sorry. But I'd love to keep talking to you and I really hope that I didn't scare you'

Levi: 'I may regret this, but perhaps you'd like to let me see if your dick is good or not?'

Eren quickly grabbed his phone, reading over the messages and practically gaped at it. Did he just ask for a dick pic?

Eren: 'That's okay, I'd love to keep talking to you also! And no, don't worry about it, I don't get scared easily'

Eren: 'Is it me or was a sexy guy like you asking for a dick pic?'

He sent it, and this time the reply came in earlier than 5 minutes.

Levi: 'Is it me or was a sexy guy like you offering to send me a dick pic?'

Eren felt a small chuckle escape his lips, typing back his response.

Eren: 'Well played'

Eren: 'Trouble is, you are too sexy to be talking to me, so I'm taking a wild guess that you are catfishing me'

Levi: 'Trust me, I'm not'

Eren: 'Then prove it to me, give me your skype if you have one'.

Levi's reply took a while to come through, about 5-10 minutes aprox.

Levi: 'Only if you show me if you got a good dick to go with them abs of yours'

Eren: 'Well played. Again'

Eren felt like a massive flirt and possibly man-whore. He was just about to skype a guy, see if he was catfishing him, and if he wasn't, he was going to show the guy his dick! Possibly even give the guy a show. Jean would be proud.