Rotten Affection

Rotten Affection Ch. 3

Got to get them creative juices flowing. 

Chapter 3

Anger. Anger and confusions. Those were the emotions I felt at that exact moment. I felt angry that I did not push him off right away. Angry that I let him do this to me. Angry that I didn't scream at him for the way he was making me feel. Confused because I didn't why I felt that way. In a way I was a relieved. And I was disgusted by it. I had no idea where that emotion came from.

How could I be relieved? What was my sub-concious mind feeling that I had not bothered to acknowledge? I was overwhelmed by the way he felt. His lips were lucious and soft. As if they'd been drenched in chapstick they're whole lives. 

The way he carresed me. As if, if he did let go, he would die. He held me desperately. Yet it was tender. The heat of his body against mine. We seemed to fit perfectly. And at that moment everything felt oddly perfext. As if we belonged that way. And then this perfect world, collapsed. He let go of me and I fell out of my daze. My body felt cold and emtpy. It longed for him to be pressed up against me again.

It worried me. Thats when my mind decided to break in with the realization of what I was doing. Why did I think these things? What was he doing to me that made me feel wonderful? Why did he feel perfect? I was petrified. My mind was clouded and foggy. I couldn't think clearly. I looked into his eyes and they swirled with so many mixed emotions and signals. 

I saw lust, need, but what hurt me most was the disgust on his face. It hit me in a way I had not expected. I wanted to cry, right there and then. Cry at all the things I was feeling. For not being able to understand what was going on.

"I.... I... I dont...." he stammered. Yet I knew what he was going to say. I dont think that was a good idea. This was a mistake. Then why did he even do it in the first place? Why did he suddenly have to ruin everything between us. What impulse made him do what he did? So many questions I wanted to ask. My body was frozen in place. I didn't know how to react. It was as if my body moved on its own. And I was running to my room. 

At first slowly backing away, and then sprinting to the stairs. I took them two at a time. Trying to get out of wherever I was. I didn't know anymore. I just ran. I slammed the door behind me. And that was when I collapsed. Everything I felt flooded through my body and I shook and jerked as the sobs escaped my throat. I didn't want to cry. I didn't want to feel what I did. I didn't even know what I was feeling. I knew I was hurt somehow. Nothing could explain what had just happened.

I didn't know. I just didnt.

I just wanted to get away from the world. So I hopped in the shower. I turned it as cold a it cold go. It numbed my body and all the feelings that pressuered my mind. I couldnt take it. I gave into the water. And everything turned dark.

Author's note: So i get it. Its short. But its definetely better. I couldnt think of much today. And I still had to kind of stick with what was supposed to be going on in the story. I'll probably upload chapter four tomorrow. Im just working on this as I go. Do with it what you will.