Rotten Affection

Rotten Affection Ch. 4

chapter 4 (still joeys P.O.V.)

I woke up the next morning from some crazy dream. Apparently my brother had kissed me. Then it all came rushing back..... The kiss.... I quickly got out of bed and almost fell because I had gotten up too fast. I ended up almost tumbling down the stairs because I was anxious to see  who was down there. Damn stairs. I found him in the kitchen, cooking us some breakfast. Wait, what? Since when does he cook? I peeked my head into the kitchen.

I watched him through the door way. The way his muscles flexed as he turned whatever was in the pan. His messy bed head. The purse of his lips as he tried to concentrate on what he was making. His incredibly straight posture.  I had to admit, he was sexy. And I hated it. I hated what it did to me. 

"What?" he asked. I had been staring, I blushed. Why was I blushing? The these I was feeling were really affecting me. I didnt want this. Not one bit.

 "Im just trying to remember the last time you cooked and I can't."

"Ha-Ha very funny, now sit down. I made us some ham and cheese omlets with bacon."

"Where's Luna?" I asked. His face suddenly hardened. The muscles in his jaw tensed. It reminded me of the expression he had last night. When I had asked him why he wasn't excited about Luna coming to live with us.  

"She had something to take care of with Ronnie. Apparently he had gotten into a fight with one of his classmates yesturday." He chuckled. He knew how teenage boys were. He was one of them.

"Oh." Was all I said. I had so many other questions I wanted to ask him. But I bit my tongue.

We sat down to eat and there was an awkward silence. I watched him as he ate. He didn't dare look at me. I wanted him to tell me what he was thinking. I didn't know how I was able to bare sitting there infront of him in complete silence. If made me uneasy. It made me feel like he was angry at me. Or more likely, himself.

I couldnt take it anymore. I had to break the silence. I knew it was a risk. He might not want to talk to me, but I was going to force him. And in all honesty, what happened last night was all his fault. We wouldn't be having to go through this right now had he not kissed me. Or would that just make him even more closed off towards me?

"Listen, I need to know what was going through your mind when you kissed me last night." I made myself defiant. I wanted to know. I needed to know. I couldn't just be left without any answers. And I was going to get them, even if I had to force them out of him. 

"Can we not talk about that?" he asked

"Yes we have to, because Im really cunfused, and I cant just pretend that it never happened and that it meant nothing!" I said. He slamed his fork down and I winced. His eyes peered directly through mine, and I felt exposed. I saw nervousness in his eyes as if he were debating on whether or not he should tell me. I also saw the fire. I didn't know what burned in that fire. The anticipation was beggining to kill me when he finally answered.

"I think I have feelings for you." he said. He kept his head down. No matter how hard I tried to catch his eye, he would look away. My jaw dropped. Was I hearing him correctly? Or was I imagining this, and it was all a dream? If so, I think I might need to be checked into a mental hospital. But in a way I was sort of relieved. What is up with me lately?

"What exactly to you mean by feelings?" I said. I needed to clear my head. All I saw was fog darkness.

"Do I really have to explain this? Is it not obvious?" He seemed more angry now. The fire rose.

"Well how do you expect me to feel about this! Am I supposed to just accept it as if it were normal? Because this isn't normal!" I yelled

"I dont know, ok! I just started thinking things and I couldn't take it any more. And I didnt know what to do! I didn't know how to get rid of it all. I couldn't explain anything. I thought maybe if I kissed you, it would help me understand what was happening with me. But it didnt. It just made me even more confused. And now im at a deadend." He looked pained. And petrified. Like a lost puppy. I softened a bit. I could understand a bit how he felt. I was lost too. But it didn't give him any excuse for what he did.

He should of just talked to me in the first place. Explain the best he could about the way he felt. What he was thinking. Instead of keeping me out all the time. I tried to remember the first time I felt weirdly about him. Could it have been the reason I always felt upset about the girls he brought home? Could it have been the reason I never liked Kelly?

"So what are we going to do about this?" he asked. I really didn't know. What did someone do in a situation like this? Try to forget it ever happened? How? How do you avoid the fact that you kissed your brother? And that he kissed you? And that you actually liked it!

"I dont know. Somehow, were just going to have to forget it ever happened. It's the only thing I can think of right now. Even if it is practically impossible."

"True, and plus mom and dad dont have to no about this right?" he asked

'Are you kidding me? It's not like they're even in our lives! The person we have to worry about not finding out is Luna. But its not like there is any possible way for her to find out unless one of us told her. So I guess were fine there."

"Alright. So thats the plan I guess. " Was this some sort of guessing game? No! We had to be serious about this! NO ONE could find out. So that was when we made our pact. Neither one us could tell anyone anything about last night or what has been happening with us. We had to pretend nothing happened. And we could'nt talk about it with each other in case someone were to be listening.

Let the games begin.