I Do Need You

Chapter 6_Tragedy To Amends

It's been a week . I don't think I've felt more down in my entire life . Maybe when my dad died yes . Perhaps then . But this is different .

How could she have just died ? Why hadn't it been Steve instead ? My heart is just empty . I feel drained yet I have so many things on my mind . My mom died last week . They called in an hour after Taylor dropped me off at home to let me know she didn't make it . I haven't spoken to anyone since then not even at the funeral .

I just have so many regrets . So many things I wish I could have done better . Maybe I could've protected her from it all if I had just spoken to her . We didn't have that relationship but it doesn't mean I never wanted it . But what can I do now . She's gone and I wasted it all . Steve hasn't bothered me all week and I am grateful for that . That's the least he could do .

I'm in the backyard and it feels like the first time in ages . I haven't been out of my room much lately , so I might as well start now . I lay down on the concrete . The grass had dried out . It's all just gone wrong .

I stare at the sky with tears rolling down the side of my face . It should be around 3pm . The sun is shining directly on my face . I close my eyes and hope to wake up from this nightmare .

Everything goes dark . I open my eyes to see a familiar face . One I've been avoiding all week . I thought it would be impossible but I managed . For what though ? Why am I fighting this ? I need him now . I really do need him .

I stand up from the ground and stare into his eyes . All I see is my own reflected pain . I want to say something , anything , but there's no words and no air . I inhale deeply and as I breathe out the tears roll down my cheeks all at once .

He quickly pulls me into a tight , warm embrace . I feel his hand stroke my hair . He is comforting me . I feel alone . But his changing that . He makes me feel safe . He always have .

"Please , please stop crying Alexandra , please..." He begs . I wish I could but the guilt and regret and fear is all just too much . What will come of me ?

"William..." I sniffle , "I'm so-sorry , I-I..."

"Shh , Alexandra . Don't worry about it . You will be alright . I promise you . You're not alone ." He removes himself from my grip and leads me out front . I don't think I want to leave and go anywhere but I don't have it in me to disagree . That's probably why he never asked .

We drove for about ten minutes and he hasn't removed his hand from mine . We get out of the car and I can't believe what I'm seeing .

It's our park . His mom used to walk us over to this park on weekends and we would play for hours . The tree is still there too and the field's are still as green as ever . I look at Will and he interwines our hands once again as he leads me to the top of the hill . Where the tree is . Where our tree is .

We sit down on the grass , our hands still intertwined . I don't know what it is about this innocent yet intimate act that makes me so happy . Maybe it's just that fact that it's William at the other end .

"Thank you . I appreciate this ." I look at him and try smiling at him . I really want to smile but I'm just not used to it anymore .

"Alexandra , I'm not trying to cheer you up because I know there's nothing anyone could do to make you feel okay ." He looks down , his disappointed that there's nothing he can do about the situation . I wish he knew though .

"William , you're not just anyone ," I barely whisper . My eyes are moist once again .

"I'm not ?" He asks and I shake my head . How could he think that I thought of him as just anyone ? His so much more to me .

"Can you , please ?" I plead and he understands . He leans in , his lips inches away from mine as we breathe the same air . I've never wanted something more than this . His soft lips brush over mine and I feel an immediate shock . He pulls back and the feeling disappears .

"We can't ," he says and I nod .

No matter how much I want to , there's so many things I need to consider . I'm not thinking straight . My mind is all over . And I haven't spoken to Taylor . I need to see him .

I look at Will next to me and he smiles apologetically before leaning against the tree and motioning for me to join him . I lean back and rest my head on his shoulder . He is still my William , he always will be .