My Life [My Secrets & Randomness IV]

I hate this book

I'm tired of sharing my opinion to people who won't understand.

I'm tired of the fact that because of this book, I have a need to rant-which then upsets me because there's no one to let it all out to.

And I don't want to rely on this book anymore. You'd think that I'd feel affection towards these books because of the friendships it created.

But no. These books have ruined me.

And then there's a few people who will always believe I'm in the wrong just due to our past. And they'll never understand. They'll never know the full story of whatever sh*t I talk about in this book.

I've said this many times before but this time, I actually believe it. I believe that I'll be able to resist writing in this book when it comes to topics that aren't about my day.

You may be thinking that this is no big deal. But with every chapter I write on here expressing my feelings, I feel as if I've given my soul away.

My soul away to people who don't get it. There's just one person I know who reads this and will probably understand all my rants or whatever.

Yesterday, I planned on doing a rant about a certain somebody because [ ] and I definitely didn't want to be their friend anymore but now I think I'm going to have to do things the old way before this book was created, which was to pretend everything was alright and to ignore the things that people did to piss me off.

And even though I want to just f*cking tag that person and rant to them, I won't. Although I really want to, if you haven't already realised.

Idk where I'm going with this.

Basically, I hate this book. I hate how nearly everyone that reads this judge me even though they'd do worse things if they ever had my mental problems. I hate how everyone expects me to write rants on here when they do something bad. I find it so insulting. I'm not weak. I don't need this book.

Like yesterday, a friend said to me that they expected a Wattpad post because of something they said which upset me, and although I said they didn't deserve one because I didn't care, it's not that.

It's that when I'm truly f*cking livid, I'll never share it.

Now this is getting confusing.

Basically, what I'm saying is that those rants I do in these books are rants which I know won't affect me because I don't have to care about what the people I complain about, think of me. And usually, if I don't care what they think of me, it means that the rant is just one that I simply got pissed off about instead of being truly angry.

Does this make sense? Probably not but whatever.

Okay so what I'm trying to say is that I don't share the rants that I'm most angriest in, because if I did, they'd ruin nearly all my friendships as what's written in there is actually serious.

Again, this probably doesn't make sense but I didn't expect it to. Not when my mind is such a jumble.

See, the thing about this book is that when I rant about people, it shows that my anger is my weakness. Because I get irritated easily.

So really, what anyone reading this book needs to do is say one thing for me to write a rant, and then I'll get blamed for the havoc that that complaint will make.

Do you get me?

The only good thing about these books is that at least I'm honest. In Year 7, I had to lie so much because I knew my true feelings would hurt someone.