The Moon and the Gun

7

I don't go and meet the crew. I tell them I'm on my way, and then I just start walking. I don't even know where I am. I just walk.

The street lamps make shadows on the sidewalk. I see a moon, a gun, a car.
The voices are so loud. They are tearing my brain apart with every screech. I smack my head, trying to get them out as I walk, walk, walk.

It is raining, drizzling.

A few men stand huddled around a trash can. They look like they want to kill me.

I hurry past, but one of them turns to look at me. All I see are milky eyeballs before I start to run.

it's so easy to just disappear, the voices croon, just take the car, take the gun. whichever you want.

i don't want either i just want it to stop.

he doesn't need you anymore. the show is over. last show, last show.

of course he needs me. Tyler is my best friend. I love him like a brother. I can't leave him.

he will leave you first. he will come after you. whichever you want.

I collapse onto a park bench. Right near the road, where cars barrel by. I can hear bits of their radio as they speed past. Little bits of their lives.

The metal taste is so strong now. I spit, trying to get it out.

I stand up, balancing on the edge of the traffic. I see a huge truck coming in the distance, behind smaller cars. It's lights are bright.

the moon is shining on me. it's almost blinding me.

I think of Tyler. He has Jenna.

I think of the fans. They all liked Tyler more anyways.

I think of my brother. He has my sisters.

I think of my parents. they have my sisters and brother.

i think of the crew. i needed them, they didn't need me.

i think of the beating of the drums. the rhythm of my life.

i think of Tyler again.

Tyler, my best friend. You will never know how much you meant to me. But I can't keep living like this. The voices are too strong. But I know you. You're stronger. You write the songs that fight them off. Do me a favor, bro. Dye your hair, okay? Do something crazy, something exciting. Something they'll never expect.
This isn't your fault. It's me. It's my voices. This is how is has to be.

But I love you. And nothing can ever change that.

the lights get brighter until they are staring at me. The little moons. My heart is pounding and the voices are screaming. They are so scared and I have to do this.

I take a deep breath, and step out.