Juvie • JASON MCCANN •

Chapter 50 "Love will fuck you up more than drugs ever will"

Jason's pov

"What are you doing?", Ace splutters.

"Get out!", I spat throwing my phone to the wall.

"Your calling her aren't you?!", Ace rolls his eyes.

"What is your problem?! No, I'm not now get out before-"

"Fine fine I believe you", Ace cuts me off leaving out of my room.

I get up from my bed shutting the door locking it. Picking up my now broken phone from the floor.

I don't know what happened right now. All I know is that I'm drunk and I had to hear Aleysa's voice. I tried so hard to fight against it, but I failed my heart won over my brain this time.

Hearing Aleysa on the other line made my heart beat fast and slow at the same time. She's the only one that can do that to me.

I didn't expect at all for Aleysa to know it was me if anything I'm stunned by her response. I honestly thought she must of forgotten all about me, but she didn't instead she's hurting without me.

I hate myself for causing this much pain to her. Hearing her beg for me to go get her made my heart stop. Is she not happy with her family and friends?

Each day that passes by I can't help, but think to myself if I did the right thing. My gut instinct is telling me I did wrong, but I just don't know.

I turn the radio on trying to blow off all of this thoughts.

A song called "Let it Rain" by Bruno Mars starts playing making my thoughts worse, but for some reason I don't bother changing the station.

Instead here I am drunk and tearing up to the lyrics instantly relating to it almost like if it's talking about my situation right now.

If you ever leave me, baby,
Leave some morphine at my door
'Cause it would take a whole lot of medication
To realize what we used to have,
We don't have it anymore.

There's no religion that could save me
No matter how long my knees are on the floor (Ooh)
So keep in mind all the sacrifices I'm makin'
To keep you by my side
To keep you from walkin' out the door.

'Cause there'll be no sunlight
If I lose you, baby
There'll be no clear skies
If I lose you, baby
Just like the clouds
My eyes will do the same, if you walk away
Everyday it'll rain, rain, ra-a-a-ain

I'll never be your mother's favorite
Your daddy can't even look me in the eye
Ooh, if I was in their shoes, I'd be doing the same thing
Sayin' "There goes my little girl
Walkin' with that troublesome guy"

But they're just afraid of something they can't understand
Ooh, but little darlin' watch me change their minds
Yeah for you I'll try, I'll try, I'll try, I'll try
I'll pick up these broken pieces 'til I'm bleeding
If that'll make you mine

'Cause there'll be no sunlight
If I lose you, baby
There'll be no clear skies
If I lose you, baby
Just like the clouds
My eyes will do the same, if you walk away
Everyday it'll rain, rain, ra-a-a-ain

Oh, don't you say (don't you say) goodbye (goodbye),
Don't you say (don't you say) goodbye (goodbye)
I'll pick up these broken pieces 'til I'm bleeding
If that'll make it right

'Cause there'll be no sunlight
If I lose you, baby
There'll be no clear skies
If I lose you, baby
And just like the clouds
My eyes will do the same, if you walk away
Everyday it'll rain, rain, ra-a-a-ain

Here I am crying like a little bitch again, but I don't give a fuck because Aleysa is worth my every tear.

"Why is it so hard to move on man", I whisper to myself punching my fists down on the floor.

"What the fuck did I do?!"

"She must hate me now"

"I fucked up I fucked up!", I grumble to myself regretting my fucking decision.

Lately, I've been making horrible fucking decisions. I know I did it for her safety, but I fucking love her so much.

We love each other isn't that worth the fight? Isn't that worth changing my life around? Isn't that worth me starting over?

Aleysa Grey is worth fighting for. She's worth me changing my life and letting go of this stupid criminal lifestyle that hasn't brought anything good in my life.

What I love the most about her is that she always loved the things that the rest of the world forgot, snails and slugs and broken flowers that most girls would see in disgust, but she didn't. I think that's why she loves me, I was another broken thing, that the world had left behind.

I'm willing to change, leave everything behind, and start doing shit right for her.

As much as I want her to move on and find someone better than me at the same time I don't want her to. I want her all to myself.

If Aleysa truly leaves me behind that will kill me and it would be all of my fault since I pushed her to.

I will not lose her I refuse to spend another second without her.

Love will fuck you up more than drugs ever will I swear.

I'm going to get my girl back if it's the last thing I do.