Seeping Wounds

XI-Harrison

What the hell am I doing?

Am I actually kissing Addison?

When did I decide to this?

What am I doing?

She thought I was going to hit her. For a moment I thought I was going to as well.

Why am I kissing her?

I let go of her and stumble backwards.

Addison is staring at me with huge, surprised eyes.

"I'm sorry." I say.

Why did I do that? I shouldn't have done that. What if she tells someone?

Anger washes over me and suddenly I am shaking with anger, "If you tell anyone I will kill you." I snarl.

Addison's face hardens and she sneers at me, "Why would I? You're the one who kissed me."

I want to hit her, I want to make her hurt. Why is she doing this to me? Why did I have to come here? I don't want to be me, I want Harrison to go away.

Suddenly I can't stand it here anymore. I sprint out of the store and down the street, I run as fast as my legs will take me.

I can't hear anything other than the pounding of my feet on the pavement.

Why can't anything work in my life? Somehow everything gets screwed up.

I have no idea where the hell I am when I stop running. I don't want to go home so I don't mind. Still I don't want to worry Claire and Derek. I send Claire a quick text saying I may be late home.

Will Addison keep her word? Will she tell Mia that I kissed her? What would Mia do if she found out I kissed Addison? She would hate me for the rest of her life.

There is no way for me to ever belong here. I don't belong here and I never will. I don't belong with Claire and Derek, I don't deserve their kindness. They should have chosen a little boy who they could raise and actually love. Not me.

Loving someone just gets you hurt. I'm not going to let myself get hurt. My father said he loved my mother but there were days where there was not break between the screaming and the fighting. If that is what love is I don't want any part of it.

But Derek says he loves Claire and he has never hurt her. Jared and Helen aren't hurt either. What does that mean? I don't want to risk getting hurt. I will never let myself fall in love, I never want children.

To love someone you have to give up part of who you are. I'm not willing to give that up. It's not worth it.

"Hey loser!" Someone shouts from behind me.

Turning I see the nubs from the cafeteria that Eric brought with him on my first day. Watson, Lewis and James. I think. Actually I don't care.

"What are you doing all the way out here?" Lewis asks smirking.

I roll my eyes, "Walking. Or is that too big a word for you?" Dingbats.

"I found out something about you." James says smirking, "Something about your parents."

This causes me to freeze. Oh no. They didn't, no one was supposed to find out. This was supposed to be an escape from that.

"How before you were adopted your parents were drug addicts and alcoholics and..." He pauses as if for effect, "How they beat you up, they didn't want you so they tried to kill you."

Silence can sometimes be the loudest thing you have ever heard.

"Are you a drug addict too?" Watson asks, his smirk as wide as the other's.