Seeping Wounds

XV-Harrison

There are some days that pass slowly. And I finish the day bored out of my mind.

Except there are the days when Kayla has an episode. They are full of action but they bring pain as well because none of us know what to do. No one can help her and the medication can't prevent her pain.

But the day the letter comes, sent by Addison but through Mia. This tells me two things: one, Addison forgives me (she states that plainly enough). And two, Mia forgives me.

It means so much to me that Mia forgives me, I can't say I really liked her but for some reason it makes me relax a little to know that she forgives me.

Maybe I never disliked any of them, maybe I just pretended I did or I wanted to dislike them.

Anyway the day the letter arrives I can't help but smile through most of the day. Addison forgives me.

I don't really want to show my therapist the letter but then I realize that she probably has read it already. They have probably opened it and read it and decided that it's okay for me to read it.

"I got a response from Addison." I say to her (at my daily "talk").

My therapist smiles, "And what does she say?" She asks.

"She says she forgives me, that she never blamed me." I say, "It's a relief to know for sure that she does instead of just wondering if she does."

My therapist watches me for a moment, "Why does it matter to you so much that she forgives you?" She asks.

I cross my arms, "I thought I was here to learn how to control my anger, not spill my guts to you?" I demand.

"We are finding the root of your anger which will then show you that you don't have to be angry." My therapist explains, her voice is kind but I'm still suspicious.

"Fine." I snap, "It matters to me because I can't stop thinking about her. She is so beautiful, normally when you see someone with pale skin that shows the webbing of veins underneath it is creepy. But when you look at Addison she takes your breath away. She had this way of making me feel ashamed of myself but she also made me feel more like myself. When I think about her, remember conversations with her, it makes me smile. I can't stop thinking about her, it almost killed me when I realized what I-" I stop abruptly.

My therapist continues to watch me.

"When I thought she was going to die, when I thought that I had killed her, it felt like I was the one bleeding. Like I was the one dying. I can't think of a world where she doesn't exist." I say.

"Sounds to me like you're in love with her." My therapist says.

I stare at her.

"Oh my god." I say staring at her, "I'm in love with her."

I jump to my feet, "No, no, no, no, no." I mutter dragging my hands through my hair, "I can't-I'll make it worse-no, I can't." I grip my hair hard enough to make a dull throb start at my scalp.

"Harrison, can you sit down? Everything will be okay." She tries to reassure me.

"I'll hurt her again! I can't-not to-there is no way-I can't-" I mutter.

My therapist grips me by the shoulders, "Harrison, listen to me. It will be fine, you can love someone without hurting them."

"No." I snap, "You can't. I can't. You don't understand."

I pull away from her, I run for the door but twisting the knob I find the door locked.

The walls seem to be pressing in on me, I have to run. I have to get out of here, I can't stay here. My heart is pounding so quickly that I'm slightly worried that it will burst out of my chest and lay quivering on the floor.