you were my sunshine

o5*

YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE, MY ONLY SUNSHINE / YOU MAKE ME HAPPY WHEN SKIES ARE GREY

sometimes i think about the day i entered the library and saw you. what if i returned the book another time? what if our eyes didn't meet and you didn't smile at me? i could have avoided the pain. i could have avoided your unpredictability. i could have been not as wounded as i am now.

and yet a part of me knows that i would have always noticed you, even if it was in a different manner and setting. i would have found a way to talk to you, to be a part of your life as you were in mine. and i know that even if i could go back in time, i would still come back to the day i met you, live through the moments that came after and try to see where it all went wrong so i can fix them.

i want to erase you from my mind and heart so much, but i can't. night after night, i waited for a shooting star. my wishes were always different: sometimes i wished that you would come back to me, sometimes i wished that i could go back to the time i haven't loved you yet, sometimes i wished that your heart wasn't so goddamn big.

but, here's the thing about wishes: they rarely ever come true.

the day you left me was also the day i ceased to believe in shooting stars, dandelions, stray eyelashes, birthday candles, and 11:11. i realized that there was no one else to grant your wises for you but yourself.

and, you see, that is the problem. i can't even grant my own wishes.

i wish to unlove you but i still do. you still haunt me in my dreams. you are like a plague without a cure and wherever i go wherever i look you're always there and it's frustrating me so much and i miss you, i miss you a lot, please, please come back to me . . . but i know you won't.

you aren't as full of surprises as you used to be, you know? and, god, i didn't know that that would be such a bad thing.