colorblind (cth)

ashton

August 2017

Ashton is on stage drumming his heart out when he sees Michael go down. He keeps the song going; he's done this so many times he can keep a beat without much thought, and chances are, Michael is just fine. This will just be another one of his silly incidents that gets asked about in interviews for a few days before the world forgets the fact that poor Mikey fell on his ass in front of thousands of people yet again. The drummer is almost positive that Mikey is okay until he sees him practically throw his guitar over his shoulders and stagger to his knees. Ashton's hands slip and he misses one of the toms, now growing concerned as Michael throws his hand up in front of his face, shielding his eyes from the lights above them. And suddenly Calum is right there beside him, wrapping an arm around his waist and Ashton doesn't remember when he stopped drumming but now he's standing up, staring at Michael and wondering if he'd be able to leap over the massive drum kit in front of him. He's starting to panic a little, and he feels like he might be in a dream when Michael launches himself towards his abandoned microphone, shouting at a girl standing in the front row.

And what the fuck? Ashton thinks. This kind of behavior is very un-Michael like. He's usually so focused on his performance that he barely seems to acknowledge the crowd in front of him, and now he's shouting at some girl, telling security to bring her back stage. What the fu-

"She's my soulmate."

Ashton's mouth drops open and he just can't fucking believe it. Michael Clifford just spotted his soulmate in a crowd of literally thousands of people. He just got his colors. He just found the love of his life. And he just announced to the entire world. This was...

Ashton didn't know what this was. Very bad? Very good? He couldn't decide if Michael was incredibly brave or just incredibly stupid. Or maybe both. Maybe he just wasn't thinking at all. (Honestly after years of knowing the boy, Ashton thinks that that's probably it.)

The crowd is screaming louder than they have the entire night, and Ashton is watching Michael get dragged off stage and trying not to lose his footing as he climbs down from his drumset and quickly jogs to catch up with the rest of his band. His eyes are just adjusting to the dim lights of the backstage when he hears Michael using his serious voice with none other than John.

"Where is she?"

"I don't know, but you shouldn't have done that."

"Where is she?" Michael's voice is dangerously low, "I want to see her. Now." His tone is so cold that even Ashton shivers. He huddles up close to Calum and rests his chin on his best friend's shoulder.

"The fuck is going on?" He whispers in Calum's ear, and Calum snorts. This type of behavior from Michael is just as surprising to the bassist as it is to Ashton. They watch in fascination as a door swings open and a girl walks through it, looking shy and scared and a little overwhelmed. Ashton feels his heart break a little when Michael whirls around to look at her properly, a soft "hi" falling from his lips. The two look so sickeningly in love that it almost makes Ashton sick.

He has to look away when Michael kisses her. The moment seems too private for the rest of them to be intruding on, and more than that, it hurts too much to watch his best friend fall in love while Ashton himself can feel the heat of jealousy rear its ugly head deep in his chest. And even worse, the familiar pang of loneliness.

Ashton wants to kiss Calum when he breaks the two of them up, calling all the shots as he rallies the band to get back on stage. Ashton thinks that John probably wants to kiss Calum too, he could practically see the man having a mental breakdown as more and more time went by with no band on stage. Ashton is quick to detach himself from Cal's side and scurry back on stage, purposely keeping his eyes on the drums, away from whatever last words or kisses Michael and his soulmate might be sharing. Ashton knows he only has whatever's left of their concert to get his shit together and be happy for his best friend, so he takes his anger and jealousy out on his drums, pounding them so hard that he thinks they might break. But he doesn't care. He's lonely, and pissed at the world for denying him what he so craves, and smashing his drums is a better solution than any other he can think of.