The Best Man

How Dare You

*Flashback*

''John?'' Mary said gently, sliding her hand into John's as they walked through the park. He stopped and looked at her expectantly.

''I understand that you went through a lot with...with your friend. I know how upset you get.''

John looked down to the ground. ''Mhm?''

''Well, we've been sort of dating for three weeks, and I was wondering...why haven't we kissed?''

John's eyes darted up again to Mary. He felt guilty. ''I do like you Mary, I really do. And, I'd like to continue to see you, but I...Is it selfish of me to ask you to wait before we kiss? I don't think I'm ready for that, not after...''

''You loved him, didn't you?'' Mary said gently, frowning to see John upset.

John bit his lip, tears forming. He nodded a little, looking down again. 

''Oh, John...'' Mary said in a sympathetic voice, pulling him into a hug. ''John, I'm so sorry.''

He clutched onto Mary, silently sobbing. ''That stupid bastard killed himself. How could he do that to me? How could he just leave me?''

''I know, John. I know.'' She shushed him. ''Sometimes people just don't see another way out. They forget about the people they love because they're afraid of hurting.''

''But he...he was Sherlock Holmes! He could do anything!''

''Then, he lost his way, John. He didn't mean to hurt you, I'm sure of it.''

''He probably didn't even understand how I would be affected. He was such a bloody idiot.''

''He loved you enough to say goodbye, didn't he?''

John let out a sob, then a bitter laugh. ''Sherlock didn't love me. That's the one thing that makes this easier. Sherlock Holmes would never love me.''

*End of flashback*

''John? Jesus Christ! What's wrong? Move! Speak!'' Sherlock fretted, his eyes searching John's face. He'd figured it out. This was probably the worst reaction Sherlock would've thought of.

John finally looked back up to Sherlock, eyes blown wide. ''No.'' he made out.

Sherlock felt as if a hand was reaching into his gut and twisting. ''John, please say something.''

''How dare you.'' John breathed.

Sherlock felt his heart drop and he just looked at John, swallowing hard. ''What?'' he mumbled, his lips refusing to move properly.

John finally flipped. ''How dare you!'' he shouted, pushing his hands into Sherlock's chest and making him stumble back.

Sherlock felt tears spring into his eyes. ''I-I'm sorry! I can't help it!''

''No!'' John roared, tears streaming. ''How dare you jump if you love me! How dare you make me move on! How dare you let me marry second best!''

Sherlock was completely and utterly frozen. Glued to the spot. Stuck. Stilled. He just kept his eyes latched onto John. He knew what John meant by his words. He knew what it meant, but a part of him wanted to be wrong. Very wrong.

John was staring at Sherlock, his chest heaving after his out burst. He almost regretted it now. The look of pain on Sherlock's face wasn't worth it. The horrible things he had said wasn't worth it. But, he just felt so angry. If Sherlock did love him, why did he let him slip so far away?

''You didn't know, did you?'' John asked, his voice quieter now. More weary than angry.

Sherlock didn't answer and continued to stare at John. Sherlock was scared that if he made any movement, he'd burst into tears. 

''Sherlock, I'm so sorry for shouting.'' he said softly, pacing his words. ''You didn't know I loved you back, did you?''

Sherlock gave an almost miss-able nod and tried to swallow. ''Yeah, I...I didn't know.''

John nodded almost bitterly. What should he say? What could you say at a moment like this?

''John?'' Sherlock softly pleaded for his attention.

John looked right at Sherlock and waited for him to start speaking.

''If I had known...If I-'' Sherlock let out a shaky breath, resting his head in his hands.

''I know,'' John said softly. ''We could've...''

''Don't say it.'' Sherlock's muffled voice said. ''Don't say it or else that means we have to accept it.''

''What do you mean?''

''It was much easier pretending I didn't love you, and watching you fall for someone else.'' Sherlock lifted his head, his eyes red-rimmed. ''But now? Now that I know that if I hadn't been so ignorant of my own feelings that I could've finally found some happiness. That's worse than how I've been living already.''

John bit his lip in fear of crying again. ''We're such idiots''

Sherlock gave a sad laugh and met John's gaze ''Yeah, we are''

''Sherlock...What the Hell are we supposed to do now?''

Sherlock let out a long breath. ''Nothing. You're going to go back to your ordinary life with Mary. I'll stay here at Baker Street. We probably wont see that much of each other anymore since this is more than a little unbearable.''

John shook his head and gestured towards Sherlock. ''I can't just leave you. You can't keep living like this. You'll kill yourself.''

Sherlock banged his fist down onto the table, shaking their mugs and his science equipment.

''I don't know what to do!'' he shouted.

John stepped towards Sherlock. ''I'm not leaving you.''

Sherlock groaned helplessly and looked at John. ''Please don't make me watch you grow old with her. I can't do that. I can't.''

''Sherlock, I can't lose you again. I need you.'' 

Sherlock let out a sound almost like a whimper. ''Jesus Christ, John.''

''Please. Please, I'm actually begging you!'' John started to get anxious. ''I can't do that again! I need you in my life!''

''Why?'' Sherlock shouted. ''You hadn't spoken to me for two months before this happened! That doesn't exactly scream 'love'!''

John sighed. Sherlock had always been so stubborn and there was only one way to shut him up. John reached forward and latched a hand onto Sherlock's shirt. He brought him in, and with no hesitation, pressed his lips against the detective's.

Sherlock was rigid until his mind gave him a kick and reminded him what to do. He kissed back.

It was desperate, heated and full of complete longing and neither of the two seemed to be able to get enough. With Sherlock holding John's face, and John's hand twisted into his black curls, they were pressed right up against each other.

Year's worth of feeling flowed through their kiss, and as well as it being satisfying, it was also heart breaking. They knew what would need to happen once the kiss ended.

John slowly and softly brought them out of their kiss, his hand now twisted into the fabric of Sherlock's shirt. He looked up at Sherlock, both of them nearly in tears.

''I have to go.'' he said in a small voice, detaching himself from Sherlock. 

All Sherlock could to was nod and watch sadly as John left the room.