A Song for You

IX - Where Do Broken Hearts Go?

JACKSON

Jackson did not hear the jiggling of keys, or the front door being opened or the sound of Bambam's footsteps as he stepped into the living room to stand in front of the couch where Jackson was lazily perched. It wasn't until he saw a pointed, pink high heeled boots that he looked up only to find a grinning Bambam holding a large paper bag.

Jackson scrambled to take his earphones off and sat up to greet Bambam.

"Bam!" he croaked which caused the younger boy to chuckle.

"Hey Jack, I bought jjigae for you," he said, waving the paper bag in front of Jackson's face. "C'mon, let's go to the kitchen so you can eat," Bambam said, proceeding to the kitchen. Jackson had to follow the younger boy's lead. He really isn't all that prepared for this version of Bambam, this upbeat, happy Bambam as if last night did not happen – this Bambam who is acting as if he did not break down at Mark's announcement of his relationship with Jinyoung.

"How much do I owe you?" Jackson asked, trying to find something to talk about to avoid bringing up what transpired the previous night.

"Nothing. You don't owe me a cent," Bambam answered, arranging Jackson's meal on the table.

"Eat," he ordered.

"Okay, thank you," Jackson said, still slightly uncomfortable. He does not like this version of Jackson and Bambam. They seem like strangers trying to find a neutral subject to talk about. It feels like one wrong move will break this fragile moment. An awkward silence ensued, with Jackson trying to busy himself with food – mechanically putting food in his mouth, chewing, swallowing, and not looking at Bambam.

Bambam cleared his throat and Jackson had to look up to search the other's face.

"Sooooo..." Bambam started, dragging the one-syllable word out. "How have you been Jack? Seriously! When was the last time we sat down and talked? This is weird. It's weird isn't it? It's like, this is not us. I feel like I'm outside of this body watching these two people interact, like a dance but both don't know what the next move would be. Weird, right? Or is it just me?" Bambam let out a breath after.

Jackson couldn't help but sigh. He put his chopsticks down and reached for Bambam's hand.

"Yeah, it's weird because this is not how it should be. We were never like this. I don't know, Bam. What happened this past month? It's like, one moment you were there making silly faces at me, laughing at my stupid jokes, forcing me to listen to crazy love songs and then next – BOOM! You found yourself another best friend," Jackson said, his eyes full of sadness.

"What? Wait, what are you talking about?" Bambam asked.

Jackson took in a deep breath and let go of Bambam's hand. He picked up his chopsticks again and started eating. "Don't mind me, it was nothing. I'm sure you're tired having been out all day. I won't keep you. Thank you for the food, by the way," he said, sparing Bambam another glance before concentrating on his bowl of jjigae again.

"Woah!!!" Bambam exclaimed. "You can't go on spouting dramatics and then just turn it off because you don't want to talk about it. If this has something to do with me, then I would want to talk about it Jack. And I think that I have earned the right to demand that we talk about it since you clearly have some ideas in your head and it's making our friendship suffer. So whatever it is, spill it out and let me know. Let's talk it out," Bambam demanded, standing from where he was perched on one of their kitchen islands.

Jackson covered his face with his hands, not wanting to look at Bambam anymore. He is scared that if he looks at Bambam, the other would see just how heartbroken he is at the thought that Bambam is in pain because Mark is with someone else.

"I know how you feel Bam," Jackson started.

"You know?" Bambam had to ask, his voice so soft that Jackson might not have heard had it not been for the fact that the house is empty and for the first time it is so quiet you can hear a pin drop.

"Yes, I know. And it pains me to know that you are devastated like this. If only I could take the disappointment, the hurt, the sadness – I gladly would just so I can see your face light up with a genuine smile again. I never want to see you sad. I know this is crazy but I'm sure you will find someone else. Someone who will see your worth, who will love you because you are the most amazing person anyone could ever have the privilege to know."

At this point in Jackson's speech, Bambam was already crying, shoulders hunched, quietly sobbing.

Jackson chose that moment to look up and what he saw broke his heart even more. His Bambam, his beautiful Bambam utterly devastated and wrecked, crying his heart out. He reached out to try to hug him but Bambam flinched and ran. Jackson was left standing in the middle of the kitchen, not quite understanding exactly what happened.