A Song for You

X - I Do

A/N: Please watch the OPV I attached. :)

BAMBAM

After listening to what Jackson had to say, Bambam felt his heart break bit by bit, it was a physical pain – nothing like he ever felt before. He felt as if he couldn't breathe and that someone is physically trying to pull his heart out. He could not stay in that kitchen and face Jackson after that rejection. So he ran. He did not hear Jackson follow him so instead of going out, he opted to go out to the dorm's balcony. The sky is bright that night, lit up with stars. He looked up, tears still streaming down his face.

"God! How could I have been so naïve?" he thought. He stayed in the balcony and cried his heart out for he does not know how long. All he knows is that Jackson did not even attempt to follow him and it broke his heart even more than it already is. He kept thinking, if Jackson could not be there for him because he does not feel the same way that he does, then at least Jackson could have been there as a friend. Bambam would have taken friendship than nothing at all. But it seems that Jackson had given up everything – it feels like Jackson could not even stand to be his friend now.

And a new form of sorrow enveloped Bambam. He cried for the friendship he felt he lost and remembered all that he and Jackson have shared over the years. Jackson had always been Bambam's rock, his shield when life gets tough, the person who is always ready to lend an ear when Bambam needed to vent, a shoulder to cry on when Bambam is feeling particularly melancholic because he misses his family, the one person he runs to when he has news to share whether bad or good, the one thing that Bambam felt was constant in his life was Jackson – and now he could not even say that anymore.

It felt like he lost a limb, like he lost one of the most important part of himself. With Jackson's rejection still fresh in his mind, Bambam could not think straight. He does not know how to go through that night and face the others. What will he tell the other members when they notice that he and Jackson are no longer speaking? What will the fans say when they can no longer see any interaction between JackBam. More importantly, is he strong enough to go on as if nothing has changed? When it comes down to it, does he have enough acting abilities to act as if he does not have any issues?

These thoughts kept running through Bambam's mind, making his head spin. He sat on one of the foldable chairs that Jinyoung neatly arranged in their balcony, took a deep breath and tried to calm himself.

"There's no need to have a panic attack, Bam," he bravely told himself. "I think you have to take it one day at a time."

So he sat there, looking at the night sky and thinking about how everything could have gone wrong in a blink of an eye. He sighed.

"Life is not perfect. Life does not always turn out the way we want it to," he thought.

He felt his eyes start to water again and he didn't really have the strength to stop it. He just let it all go, he cried, sobbed really – his eyes are already puffy and his nose is getting stuffy but he just could not stop. It is like a dam has been broken open and there is no way to close it back. He does not know when it will stop – he does not know if it will ever stop. Everything just reminds him of Jackson, what could have been, what they could have been then he would start to remember how he was rejected and it makes the pain even more pronounced. He is just so tired.

He tried to find the courage to actually go back inside the dorm because he needed to go into his bedroom – he wants to lie down, drown himself in music, cry some more and maybe tomorrow when he wakes up he would feel a little better. Or maybe this is all just a bad dream and when he wakes up tomorrow, everything is okay, Jackson is still his best friend, and he has not been rejected.