Lapidot: Just Like This

Chapter six: Caught Blue Handed

(Sup, this is a trigger warning. There may be references to self-harm in this little episode but it doesn't go as far as actually showing it. also depictions of emotions and if that triggers you slightly then i only recommend skimming this page for the important stuff, if it gets to you i'm sorry.)

Lapis looked down at the photo that was shown up on her phone with tired, grey eyes. A couple of days ago Peridot had decided to invite Lapis out and they had the most amazing day out, Lapis couldn't forget it, how simple it was, how beautiful it was. The photo she had taken showed her holding her phone out to take the picture of her and Peridot lying on a colourful bed of leaves. Peridot wore her brightest smile ever in the picture and it made a flicker of a smirk flash across Lapis' face from how adorable the small girl looked, her childish features were charming. Lapis' joy at the recent memory didn't last that long. despite the things Lapis had been doing to keep her thoughts in order, the past three weeks had been terribly stressful with all the projects that she had running due in next week, how convenient. Lapis' problems didn't stop at that, she was running short on money, having no idea where to get a job, and every time she tried to ask for help from her friends they would be too busy or have some other excuse. With no support Lapis' problems towered over her like a hawk, causing a terrible affect on her sleep, and she had broke out in a horrible rash from the stress. Lapis needed to vent in some way, she needed to get through this week and to the relief on the other side without messing up. Lapis buried her head in her hands and bunched up her hair in her fists. A feeling of emptiness was slowly immersing Lapis like the sea, she needed to do something. Lapis got up and started pacing, wondering- no. More like overthinking everything. Lapis looked around for something to latch on to, to ground herself. Lapis spotted her case in which she kept most of her supplies on her desk, including her pencil sharpener... Lapis bit her lip hard, she had been clean for years, these thoughts that popped up... they scared her now. There was no way she could do it, but she was already across the room, trying to undo the screw with her worn and stubby nail, totally disregarding any other way of coping, even forgetting the 54321 coping technique. it slipped, no wait, the screw turned and all three tiny components fell out onto the desk. Lapis stared at the sharp bit of metal, she wasn't afraid to pick it up, just unsure that she could break her promise that easy. Lapis rolled up her sleeve and pressed the sharp side gently on her skin, where so many other scars  lined her arm. She waited like something would happen, like suddenly all the support she needed would come, like all her projects would suddenly be moved to a different date, like a permanent relief would save her from this. What actually happened was, Peridot walked in to the room, heaving a heavy bag, which she dropped as soon as she saw Lapis. It took just a moment for Peridot to see what Lapis was going to do. Before Lapis could cover up what she was doing, Peridot had yelped and shot across the room to the taller girl, who held her arms up in shock at the surprisingly strong grip around her middle. The sharp metal clattered on the desk. Lapis opened her mouth to speak, but became aware of Peridot mumbling something into Lapis' shirt. She was apologizing, and this made Lapis frown. What could Peridot think she had done wrong? 

'Peridot, what are you apologizing for..?' Peridot looked up at the girl with eyes streaming, noticing how tired and empty Lapis looked, guilt caught in Peridot's throat. 

'I-I'm sor- so sorry for not being there for you, i know you asked for support b-but i disregarded it entirely because of my work and i was so worrieedd.' Peridot seemed to droop like a dying flower and she sniffed quietly, still with her arms latched around Lapis' middle. Lapis' face was a confusion of emotions, one being joy at Peridot being there, another was guilt, a bunch of others, she couldn't think straight. Lapis just ended up sobbing and picking up Peridot in a fierce hug. What a mess. The whole situation was cheesy in itself but the wave of emotional relief was welcome. Lapis set a dazed Peridot back down on the floor, Lapis' light makeup was smudged and her shirt was a bit damp, Peridot's glasses were askew and her hair looked like an untamed bush. Lapis couldn't look at Peridot, her throat was raw and felt scratchy, if she looked at Peridot she would cry again. Lapis felt Peridot's hand around her wrist and a small voice 'Breathe Lapis, ground yourself okay?' Lapis nodded. 'Right, you don't have to look at me yet just calm down.' Lapis breathed slowly, still not trusting herself to look directly at Peridot. Lapis felt so guilty for making Peridot worry, she felt utter humiliation that Peridot had found out too, it made her feel worse than she was but... Peridot's reaction was unexpected, anyone else she had told showed anger and threw insults and abuse at her like rocks, calling her an attention seeker and saying she should get over it. Lapis finally looked down at Peridot. She was shocked at the amount of emotion and pure worry in Peridot's face, but her smile, it seemed to radiate and give their atmosphere such a warm feel. Lapis couldn't help herself, she pulled the small girl close and buried her face in her straw coloured hair. A flicker of shock ran across Peridot's face but she embraced Lapis' thin waist and layed her head on her shoulder. Neither wanted to move, they stayed like that for a whole ten minutes.