The Beginning of the End

Chapter 11

-Peeta-

    It's been three days since Katniss nearly killed me, and I'm still unable to move. The doctor we called in told me my inner organs were badly bruised and it would take surgery to fix my ribs. 

     Haymitch says he's been playing "Real or Not Real" with Katniss and that she's made a lot of progress. I shake my head and tell him I can't believe this happened. 

     "It's all my fault." I hang my head and begin to cry, which hurts tremendously. He puts his hand on my arm and gently rubs my back.

     "No it's not. We're going to get her back, I promise." His words do little to reassure me and a knock on the door causes me to look up.

     "I have a surprise for you."  Haymitch says. I grip the sheets tightly as Katniss walks in. She comes slowly over to me and I see Gale behind her, ready to hold her back. I look up at her beautiful face and can't help but smile at the sight of her.

     "May I?" she asks, motioning to the bed. I nod and she sits down.

     "How are you? I've missed you." I say. I'm not sure if I'm being too forward with her but I had to say it. To my surprise she smiles and I get butterflies.

     "I'm fine. I...I'm so sorry Peeta." she grabs my hand and squeezes lightly. My heart skips a beat at her familiar touch.

     "It wasn't your fault." I say, reaching up and stroking her hair. She catches my hand and holds it for a moment. We look into each other's eyes and I want to explode with happiness. She kisses my fingertips and I chuckle. 

     Then her expression changes and I pull my hand away, looking at Gale in alarm. He beings to grab her but she just looks at him calmly.

     "Wait." she says. He hesitates and she turns back to me. "Real or not real: you killed my sister." she begins to sweat with the frustration of trying to remember.

     "Not real." I say. " I promise." I add. She bites her lip and nods. I take her hand and she looks at me, eyes full of tears.

     "I loved her." she says and I nod.

     "Me too." I say.

     "Who killed her then?" She asks, her eyes pleading for an answer. I hesitate, knowing that wasn't my information to give. 

     "I did." Gale says from behind. She whirls around and jumps off the bed.

     "You?" she whispers. He nods and she looks like she just got slapped. "You?!" she screams. 

     "I'm so sorry, Catnip." he hangs his head as she begins to cry. "I didn't mean to..." she slaps him across the face.

     "Katniss, it was an accident, remember?" I say. She shakes her head. "Beetee and Gale didn't know Prim would be in there when they bombed the place." I explain

     "We assumed she was too young to-" Gale begins.

     "You shouldn't assume things." she pushes him against the wall and stomps out of the room. He looks at me and I shrug which causes a lot of pain.

     "You couldn't save yourself from her. You're worthless." He says and leaves. I stare after him, very taken aback. 

     "Well that went well." Haymitch says and I jump, forgetting he was there. He smirks and leaves me alone. 

     As the hours tick by and I start to fall asleep, Gale's words come back to me. 'You're worthless.' Maybe I am. I couldn't defend myself against Katniss like he said, or fight through those nurses to get to her in the hospital. Even in the arena, Katniss had to risk her life to save me. She almost got killed getting me medicine since I was unable to defend myself against Cato, and I pretty much had to be carried around the rest of the time. Mags had to kill herself so Finnick and Katniss could carry me. Finnick had to bring me back from the dead after I hit the force field, and I didn't even know what nightlock was until Katniss yelled at me before I almost ate it. I couldn't save her from being hijacked and they even had to lock me in a closet once to keep me from running around and killing everyone. These thoughts, along with the fact that Katniss was most likely lost to me forever, made me realize that I have nothing left to live for.

     Slowly I painfully get out of bed and hobble over to the bathroom. Opening the medicine cabinet, I find the pills the doctor prescribed for me. I look at myself in the mirror and realize what a mess I am. I have dark circles under my eyes, my hair is crazy and sticking up in places, and my lips are cracked and dry. I open the lid and pour them onto the counter. Seventeen, should be enough. I fill a cup with water and bring four pills to my lips, reminding myself of nightlock. 

     "What are you doing?" I jump and see Gale looking half-asleep, squinting at the bright bathroom light. I lower the pills and cup.

     "Go back to bed." I whisper frantically. 

     "Are you trying to kill yourself?" he asks, taking a step towards me.

     "Please stay where you are. I don't want to be stopped." I plead. He stops moving, concern etched on his face. He sits down on the floor in the doorway. "Please just go away and pretend you never saw this." I say, lifting the pills again.

     "Look man, I don't know you very well or like you very much either." he starts. I hesitate, not sure what to do. I put the pills on my lips and turn back to the counter. "Wait wait wait wait!" he says hastily and I turn to face him again. "Just hear me out." I sigh and set the things down, walking over to him. "Sit." he asks nicely, so I sit. "Some people might tell you that everything's going to be okay and that it's not worth it, blah blah blah. But I know that not everything is going to be okay. Things might never be okay, but Katniss will come back. You did, didn't you?" he points out. I look away.

     "She deserves you Gale. Someone that can protect her, keep her safe. I'm worthless." he flinches as I repeat his words from earlier. "The only thing I can protect her from are nightmares." I say.

     "I was being an ass when I said that. You've won two games." he says but I'm already shaking my head.

     "Cato would have choked me if Katniss hadn't shot his hand. She should've won alone." I say. He stays silent for awhile.

     "You'll hurt a lot of people if you go through with this." he whispers. I laugh bitterly. 

     "Are you going to stop me?" I challenge.

     "No. But Katniss loves you. Maybe not right now but she does. You'll be missed."

     "By who? Katniss will never love me again, we both know Haymitch prefers her over me, no one would notice my absence." I feel my chest tighten as I suddenly realize how true that is. 

     "What about your family?" he says.

     "They died when District Twelve got destroyed. Even if they were alive they would'nt miss me." 

     "On the beach, Katniss told you she needs you. You saved her life the night you threw her the bread." he reminds me.

     "It's bread. How is that so heroic? Anyone would have done it." I say. He shakes his head.

     "You took a beating from your mom. If that's not brave, I don't know what is. I know that not just anyone would do that, especially for a complete stranger." I bite my lip, trying to decide what to do. The idea of Katniss loving me seems so far-fetched right now.

     "What would happen if I did this?" I ask. He thinks for a minute.

    "Let's see. Haymitch would probably start drinking more. Katniss would become so depressed she'd eventually follow in your footsteps. I'd be sad because Katniss would be gone and because you're really starting to grow on me." he says with a wink. I smile a little and look back at the counter.

     "I can't live without Katniss." I mutter.

     "And she can't live without you." He stands up and offers me a hand. Painfully pulling me up, he helps me put the pills back in the bottle and walks me back to bed. We shake hands and he smiles. As he leaves, I think him for saving me. Just one more debt I'll never be able to repay.