Sadness and Sunshine

December had been horrible. The new year proved to be no better. I found myself consistently alone, and nothing good was happening whatsoever. I checked myself into a hospital to see if it would help my growing depression. I expected little to no results. Hospitals were terrifying to me, and it certainly didn't help me or my ability to cope.

I spent each night alone, hoping that things would get better. I just didn't want to be alone anymore. I needed someone to come to my side, anybody, just to make me feel alive again- someone that would help me forget everything bad that had happened. I waited. Every day felt like an eternity, until one night, something happened. The serenity I wanted didn't quite come in the form I'd expected.

That night was long and seemed to drag on forever. Normally I wouldn't complain about that, because nighttime is the best time for me. But during times of depression, the night is my worst enemy. My brain was screaming at me and wouldn't let me sleep. I spent the entire night trying to shut out voices that reminded me of everything I'd ever done wrong. I'd heard those voices a million times, and I should have known better, but I was totally under their spell again. The same words came to me.

You deserve to be alone.

No one loves you.

Just die already.

As I sobbed, listening to those screaming voices in my head, a soothing voice suddenly took over. It was like nothing else I'd ever heard before. I stopped crying and looked up from my pillow, facing the big window that looked out to the city. It was getting near dawn, but the city was still glowing with light. I stared at the lights for a long while, listening to the soft soothing voice. It was a male voice, a little raspy but very crisp and clear, like spring rain. He had a very clear New Jersey accent as well. As I continued to listen to him, I noticed a blue glow cast over the room. The only lights I knew of were coming from outside. I lifted my head up and looked around the room. To my surprise, there was a small pale man sitting on the edge of my bed. He smiled sweetly at me, instantly making me feel good about him being there. He wasn't threatening in the least bit, as his demeanor was calm and loving.

"Hello," he spoke again, cheerfully. "I'm Frank. Sorry to bother you, but I think I might be able to help you."

I waved at him nervously. Being around new people was scary to me, and even though Frank seemed very sweet, my anxiety was getting the best of me. I looked him over from head to toe. He looked so kind, but so ill. I almost instantly knew he had cancer. With that in mind, I nearly pulled him closer to me to hug him, but I knew better than to just hug a stranger. Frank was wearing scrubs, with a leather jacket of all things. His hair was cut short, practically shaved. Despite looking so sick and fragile, Frank's eyes were very bright and they sparkled in the light that he seemed to be casting out of nowhere. I didn't know where he'd come from or how he'd gotten into the room, but that didn't matter to me. Frank wasn't going to hurt me, so I didn't want to question it. I didn't want him to leave.

I stared at him for a little while longer. He looked back at me and awkwardly looked around the room, and he kept smiling. Frank's smile alone was enough to make me smile too. I wanted to hear him talk again. I loved his voice so much.

"Why are you here?," I finally asked.

Frank sort of shrugged and took a moment to carefully choose his words. He furrowed his brow and bit the inside of his cheek, looking down for a moment. I could tell he didn't even know why he was here, he just sort of...appeared.

"Well," he started. "I sensed some sadness and tension here, so I let myself in."

Frank looked at me apologetically like a guilty dog when they know they've done something they weren't supposed to do.

"I just thought maybe you needed someone as much as I did."

I nodded. I definitely needed someone. I moved closer to him and curled up by his feet, looking up at him. He looked so angelic and kind. I moved my hand closer to his but I stopped myself from holding it.

"How did you know I needed you?," I asked him as politely as I could.

"Just a hunch. I can sense when people are lonely. Its sort of like a super power I have," he replied.

I nodded and smiled at him in understanding. I liked the sound of that. I'd expected to be alone forever. Frank was like an angel to me. Without thinking, I grabbed his hand. It was cold and almost lifeless, and he didn't seem to generate any heat at all. I looked up at him as if to ask if he was dead or something just to be joking, but he had a serious look on his face now. I tilted my head to the side and moved a little to show that I was ready to listen to him if he had anything to say.

"Terminal stomach cancer. They caught it too late, so I'm not doing so well now. It's okay though, I'm not going to let it be a problem," Frank said with a slight smile on his face.

Frank let go of my hand and instead opened his arms to hug me. I'd wanted to hug him all along, so I gladly gripped onto his tiny torso. His cold body was a big contrast to his personality. I snuggled into him gently, hoping that I could warm him up. He didn't seem to be bothered by being cold, but I wanted to try and warm him up anyway. Knowing what I now knew kind of saddened me. I gently put my hand on his stomach as if I could send healing to him somehow; I really wished I could. I could only imagine how much he hurt, but even so, he was still smiling.

"How long do you have left?," I asked without thinking.

He swallowed hard, looking down and off to the side. I felt bad for asking immediately. I tried to rub his side and do anything I could to take it back. He didn't reply for a while; he just kept looking down and around as if trying to avoid the question and say something else. But he soon did reply, that slight smile still on his face.

"That really doesn't matter now. I'm not on the treatment anymore but that doesn't mean I'm done fighting," Frank said with the slightest bit of sadness in his voice.

I smiled weakly at him, glad that he wasn't going to give up. Frank looked up at the window and saw the sun coming up. He looked down at me and hinted to me that I should go back to bed. I nodded and reluctantly made my way back to the pillows. I made grabby hands at Frank to let him know I wanted him to stay.

"I'll be right here," he said reassuringly.

I snuggled down into the blankets and smiled more when I felt Frank do the same. I looked back at him and watched him as he curled up on his side and went to sleep. I reached back to touch his head, gently stroking his short soft hair. He wrapped his arms tighter around his own tiny body. I rolled over and held him, making sure he got sufficient warmth. He made a small humming noise as I did so, moving his head a little against the pillow. I stroked his hair some more, watching his face contort as he dreamed. Even as he slept I could hear his voice in my head.