Sadness and Sunshine

Chapter 8

I stayed awake, tracing Frank's visible tattoos. He looked so peaceful and smiled in his sleep. I could hear his stomach growling and at times it was so intense I felt it through the bed. I tried to go to sleep but the light was still on. As I got up to turn it off, I noticed Frank's bag was in the corner of the room, some of his shirts hanging out of it. His journal was also sitting on the table beside the bed, and I got curious.

I turned off the big light and made sure everything else was secure, being sure to check Frank as well in case he was in need of something. To my happiness, all was well. I snuggled up beside him with his journal and started reading. It felt like an invasion of his privacy, but he'd already filled the whole thing out. It started out before he got sick and went until just a few weeks before that very moment. I loved his handwriting, and though it took a few tries to make out certain words, I loved how he described things. I began to get a deeper understanding for how he felt, and it was all thanks to this medium sized leather bound book.

I got about halfway through before falling asleep. My brain was full of thoughts of Frank's pain and feeling grateful he was still here. The book got wedged between our bodies and eventually wound up underneath Frank. Both of us slept well through the night, the sounds of the hospital around us going on while we just went on sleeping as long as we possibly could. Neither of us woke up until almost noon when Lorraine came in.

"Rise and shine, angels. Its your last day here!" she said in a sing song voice.

Frank lifted his head before covering up again, and I tried to hide underneath him. The light was hurting my eyes and I was too tired to want to wake up. I could hear Lorraine laughing and setting up our breakfast, and she sang softly. She had a beautiful voice and I'd miss that.

Suddenly Frank bolted up and ran to the bathroom, leaving both of us stunned. He nearly tripped on his slippers and took the blankets with him.

"Sorry, gotta pee!" he yelled.

Lorraine shook her head and cleaned up, singing the whole way. I took a piece of Frank's toast and an orange and sat up against the pillows. I noticed Frank's journal laying in the blankets and I picked it up, just staring at the cover. Lorraine looked at me curiously.

"What's that, child?" she asked.

I showed her the cover.

"Its Frank's journal," I explained. "He's very descriptive."

She smiled and went back to tidying up, though there wasn't much left to clean; I felt that she probably just wanted to spend as much time with me as she could. I went on reading Frank's journal, realizing he was taking a long time in the bathroom. I brought it to Lorraine's attention and she stepped to the door, listening for signs of life.

"Oh he's in the shower, sweetheart. Just getting ready to go home"

I smiled, but also sank down a bit.

"Lorraine," I started, immediately wishing I hadn't.

She turned around. I had her attention. Great.

"If anything happened with Frank, do you think I could..."

I didn't want to finish the sentence. I did anyway.

"Do you think I could live with you?"

Lorraine breathed deeply and looked at the floor before joining me on the bed. Her brown eyes looked over me lovingly and she patted my leg.

"You can call me anytime. I'll consider it. I have a plenty big family and one more ain't gonna hurt anything."

She laughed and got a piece of hospital stationary, on which she scribbled down her phone number. After she handed it to me, she got up to leave.

"I'll see you guys tonight," she said with a slight pain in her voice. "We'll say goodbye since you leave first thing in the morning."

I nodded and watched her go, feeling the tears welling in my eyes. Just like clockwork, Frank's scent drifted to me again and the minute I breathed it in, I felt okay. I knew I would miss Lorraine a lot but I'd still have Frank. I could repeat it forever and I'd feel better remembering it every time.

While I waited for him to come out of the shower, I read his journal some more. His words about his family and friends and the whirlwind of sickness and trips to the hospital really made me feel for him. They'd known all along what was coming as his stomach problems got worse and worse every year. Each page of the book just got more and more tragic, leading to the inevitable moment when he was checked into the hospital for good, or at least until he was able to go home again.

I started to cry again. It had been such a battle for Frank and somehow he was still here. I wondered how he wasn't far worse, but I was glad he could exist for us all to still love him. While he was still in the shower, I decided to make him something, for whatever it would be worth. I got out some paper from my bag and a few of my markers. I had started associating cool colors with Frank, so I covered the page in purple and green hearts while the text was blue.

I worked for 10 minutes on an "I love you Frank" card to thank him for all he'd done before he came out of the shower. He only had a towel wrapped around himself and his short dark hair was dripping water. As I watched, Frank unwrapped his towel and moved it below his bellybutton, making sure it was secure. He didn't seem to mind me watching as he got dressed. Frank's belly was covered in scars, some were fading while others were newer. After he put his jeans on and used the towel to dry his hair, I noticed he had the slightest bit of a belly. Maybe it was all the toast.