A little thing about me.
Author's note: I'm an introvert. I don't like talking about my feelings, or showing too much emotions and one of those things I dread the most is crying in public (although that had happened more times than I'd like to). So I use writing as a way to let things out.
Throughout this book, there might be a few stories titled 'A little thing about me' and those would be the where I'd rant about things that would show you bits and pieces of myself and if I'm being brutally honest, they are not for you. They're mine and I write them for me.
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February 28th 2017 // 3 a.m.
I was never close to my grandfather on my mum's side. In fact, I don't think any of us, the grandchildren, was ever close to him. He'd either spend time at the mosque or in his room. He did talk to us every now and then, asking how we were doing, but not much. In short, he was a very quiet old man.
Despite all this though, the pang, the pain, the hurt and the hit that came over me when I received the news of his death was overwhelming.
I was on the phone with my mum;
"I'm in Pahang now." mum said.
"Why?" I asked as it was Wednesday and mum had school.
There was a short silence and an unbearable suspense before mum gave me the news. "I'm sorry but your grandfather had passed away."
I was expecting "He's in hospital" or "He's dying" but I sure was not expecting "He's gone."
I stood there at the public phone in silence, not knowing what to say. Even if I did, I couldn't. My voice got caught in my throat, my chest tightened and I was trying to hold back my tears.
Mum who heard my silence started to worry about me. "Are you okay? I'm sorry I didn't pick you up from school first. I knew you're in the middle of a programme so I didn't want to bother you."
Silence.
"Are you okay? I'm sorry. I wasn't expecting him to go first either. I didn't even get to see him, neither did your brothers. When I got there, he was already buried." She said, trying to calm me down.
My mum apologized because I didn't get to see my grandfather when she, herself, didn't get to see her own father. And by God, I know how hurtful it is to lose a father.
The way she said it, though, she was so calm. It was as if she didn't want me to get upset, or see her being upset. She once lost her husband, the man of her love, and now she lost her father, the man of her life. This whole thing made me realize how unbelievably strong my own mother is.
Another thing about losing my grandfather; I was saddened by the fact that we had lost him and I was even more upset cause I didn't get to see him for one last time. He was there at my father's funeral and all I wanted was to be there at his. But I couldn't.
