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The one person who actually made me feel like shit. For the first time in my life I feel resentment, possibly even a high form of regret. But why the fuck should I fucking feel this way. You're the one who said fucking bye. You're the one who decided this shit. Now you're bitching about being alone? Because I didn't fight for what we had? What did we have. You said it yourself, You told me that what we had wasn't there, that our friendship wasn't going to last. It was all onesided. Yet you have the complete nerve to tell me I didn't know how much I meant to you? I didn't mean shit to you. You know I couldn't fucking remember, and you kept pushing and pushing, And even with every fucking shove you would use against me, I still stayed. I still considered you a friend, I still wanted to be a friend.
How the fuck could you pin this all on me? Because I changed lives to forget what the fuck I had to be in one where I could finally be happy? Did it bother you that I finally have someone that I might actually love and care for? I'm not denying how it was wrong to not offer my attention to you, but whenever I did, it was the same fucking shit, Over and Over and Over. Even with our last fight, You kept reminding me of who I was.
It's a shame really.
Now that you're gone I finally realize what the fuck I was back then.
And I can't help but to feel warned out beyond hell. It hurts beyond belief, to think you're no longer there for me to hug and talk to. To think I wont be able to speak with you, about your life, and how you are. I loved listening to you talk, trying to comfort you and be there for you. Though I guess it wasn't enough. Not even what I gave you.
You always complained about having absolutely no friends, even when I was around. So tell me kid. How does it feel now... How does it feel to of lost someone so close. Knowing eachother for such a long time now. It's going to be so hard to get used to no longer sharing anything with you. But alas, as I said. I'm willing to do anything that improve you as a whole. Bullshit to think i'll ever be happy without my friend beside me.
You do realize we're going to stop talking completely because I never fucking replied to that one text right? The one where I was suppose to tell you when I got home. That's where this bullshit nonsense came in. And you can't tell me that this has been happening for a long time now, cause if it has, I would've stopped my attempts with you long before.
So. Message received loud and clear brat?
It was nice knowing me? Even with all of the bullshit I supposedly put you through?
Good to know.
I could only wonder if you meant everything you said, about us leaving. About saying goodbye to something you loved.
You didn't love me.
That saying is complete bullshit just like you, and our fucking friendship.
I'll never get those words out of my head. You're dead to me. You're dead, and yet here I am crying over that I lost you. So fucking willing to let go.
