Misery Within

1

   I furiously trace my shaken fingers around my wine glass as i thinks about my tragic marriage to Henry in my empty head. My thoughts whisper to me "you foolish bitch" over and over. As I thought about how I wasted my life away with a controlling bastard as a husband. I stands up, slight tipsy trying to not shatter my wine glass to the floor. I find my way to our bedroom, discovering my husbands pale body and emotion less face sleeping in our bed snoring away. My face filled with disgust as I linger closer to his sleeping body, running my cold fingers across his throat wishing it was a knife. Finally, I just collapses my drunken body in bed and falls fast asleep.

   The next morning, I wake up to Henry shoving pills down my throat , "Honey time to take your medicine." Its like this every morning, he swears I'm crazy. It just seems odd, I'm not crazy I swear. After taking my pills , I slowly get out the bed and turn on the shower, I get in and sit on the floor as the water runs down my face. There are no thoughts in my head , none at all. I get up lazily and wash up as fast as I could , didn't want Henry getting impatient. I get out and go downstairs to eat my breakfast, oatmeal and toast every morning. I quickly eat and get dressed for the day , even though I'm not allowed to go anywhere. Henry doesn't allow it, he said they're bad people out there. I haven't seen the sun in ages, I miss the warmth.

Henry left to go to work and left me locked in the basement. He left me crackers , water and a few books. He says I'm like a princess in my own castle waiting for my prince to come home. I quietly read my book, page 48 "the sun will shine on your life someday" quoted the book. I like the sun, my favorite color was yellow but Henry doesn't allow me to wear yellow , only dull colors. I tightly close my eyes and remember when I first moved into this house with him, we had yellow wall paper with little tulips designed all over it in our bedroom , it was so beautiful especially when the sun would beam brightly on the walls making them shine harder. Now our walls and windows are covered in wooden planks, I miss the yellow. I shuffled back up and grabbed another book and took a sip of water , I started reading it but struggled with understanding it so I threw it in frustration , it hit against the wall with a thump. I ate my crackers in silence and doze off for a nap.

I woken up to my husband carrying me upstairs to the bath mumbled under his breathe, "you filthy rat, you bloody stink" he didn't realize I was awake, I quickly closed my eyes as he shifted his head my way, he tossed my body on the floor and turned on the water and ripped off my clothes trying to pick me back up , he yelled "you bloody cow" and threw me in the tub. I laid there in the water and opened my eyes as I heard his foot steps hurry away. "I feel like crying but I can't" my thoughts in my head said. I heard him coming upstairs so I pretend to just be awakening, he puts a fake smile across his face "good morning my princess, I'm here to wash you." He washed me up and massaged my bruised legs. Henry left to go finish up dinner, so I got out by myself and got dressed and looked in the mirror gliding my hand down my pale cracked cheek, I mumbled "I look dead , i feel dead inside" I miss the sun.

I walked down the stairs slowly , dreading dinner; baked fish and roasted potatoes and vegetables like every night. I started feeling dizzy and as I fall Henry catches me and giving me more medicine then I wake up in bed the next morning. I try to get up and my thighs and legs are so sore , I don't remember after my bath last night. I don't understand , am I crazy? I rub my crusty eyes and stare at the blocked out window. I miss the sun. I get up and go downstairs , no Henry? Where could he have gone? There was note on the locked fridge "crackers on the counter with water , make sure to take your shower and your medicine" I didn't feel like showering so I didn't then plopped on the couch to watch tv. Boring, boring , boring. I shut off the tv and got up and explored the house , so many rooms I don't remember. I go into Henry's office, flipping through unusual papers. I ran into something suspicious, it's my prescription. He said I had schizophrenia! He's been just brain washing me. I quickly got up to a noise I heard downstairs and hid under his desk as the door flings open. My heart pounds fast through my chest, trying to control my heavy breathing until I gasp as he rips me up from under the desk and lastly I pass out.

I wake up in a chair, my arms taped down and my legs as well. I can't move , I'm stuck. I scream loudly, banging my head on the wall In front of me. Screaming over and over "HENRY HENRY!!" My wrist bleed as I struggle to get the tape off, so tight, so sticky. Whimpering continuously, "Somebody please help, don't leave me to die here." She scoots the chair closer to a tool box and grabs the crowbar and scoots back to the door until she accidentally falls over onto her side, banging her head on the ground. Blood slowly coming out as she uses the crowbar to yank the tape off , she frees herself and gets up. Banging the door lock with the tool , hoping for it to break. After about 15 minutes of trying she finally gets the door open. She slowly creaks up the basement stairs with the tool until she sees Henry standing on the living room talking to some young man. "He looks so familiar" says my thoughts. I quickly hide before Henry sees me. I'm afraid of him.