loosing everything. Janoskians.

I'll miss you.

07.02.13

It had been five days since Maddy was laid to rest, the final goodbye was said by hundreds, she was still the headline of many newspapers, she was all over the news and her story posted all over social networking sites, thousands of people, people who didn't even know her took the oppertunity to say goodbye, Maddy loved being popular and it seemed to be her death that made her more popular than ever before.

It did help though, seeing all the love she was recieving, all the thoughtful messages to both Maddy and her family was comfort to Emily, her sisters story seemed to have effected so many.

Emily's POV. (point of view)

It wasn't easy but I knew it never would be, it felt like I had lost a part of me, we never spent more than a day away from eachother and now I have to spend the rest of my life without her until we are reunited again. Every night I would climb into her bed hugging her pillow which still smelt of her, I would dream of her then wake up and think she was still here, think none of this happened, but it did.

It's been exactly twenty two days since I held her hand, kissed her forehead and said goodbye to her, I am forever going over that moment in my head. I can remember that whole day, waking up with her, hugging her, telling her I love her then her screaming, the tears that soaked my clothes, the coldness of her skin and the slight purple tint it had taken, I remember her being pulled away from me, I begged for her to be saved, I pleaded and prayed but it seems you were meant to be angel.

I climbed out of bed pulling the cover with me, I passed the mirror as I walked towards the door and I couldn't help but stare. Looking at myself is like looking at her, it felt like it wasn't me staring back, it was her. I feel like I am a constant reminder to everyone what we have lost, me and Maddy were identical in every way, it was almost impossible to tell us apart.

I headed down stairs into the kitchen, my mum was there dressed in her bed clothes, she hadn't got dressed since the funeral, neither of us had. She was staring into a empty cupboard "we need some food" she whispered

"what?" I ask and she jumps, turning round she seem startled to see me

"oh Emily, I need to go shopping, we have no food, I must go, let me grab my bag" she spoke so quickly the started rushing round her kitchen looking for her bag

"mum stop, calm down" I begged her grabbing her by the arm and pulling her into me wrapping my arm's tightly around her "you can't go anywhere, you're not even dressed, lets get you into bed and I'll go"

"no I must go Emily, we need food" she said while yawning

"you're tired mum, please just go to bed, when you wake up I'll be home and it'll all be done, I promise"

She climbed into her bed and I wrapped the covers around her tucking them into her sides and gently kissing her forehead "I'll be back soon, I promise. I love you mum"

"Promise you'll be back?" she said in a sleepy whisper

"I promise"

"I love you Emily" she called as I walked out the room

"I love you too mum" I said pulling the door to her bedroom shut

I got dressed quickly throwing on a old pair of track suit bottoms, a baggy grey top of Maddy's and then some trainers that we shared. I jumped into my car outside and headed to the closest store which was about six miles away.

Walking round the shop it felt like everyone knew my story, everywhere I turned people stared with sympathetic looks on their faces, people whispered around me, pointing at me. I left my trolley and ran to the toilets at the back of the store colapsing on the dirty ground as tears floaded down my cheeks.

I heard the creek of the door opening but I couldn't even look up to see who it was through my blurred eyes "hey sorry I saw you run in here, are you ok?" a male voice spoke

I looked up and saw the blurred figure of a boy standing before me "you know this is the girls toilets?"

"I just wanted to check you were okay" he grabbed tissue and sat down beside me and dabbed the tears away from my cheeks

"Do you not know what's wrong with me? it seems everyone else here knows"

"No, sorry. I am not from around here, I live in Australia, I'm just here.. visiting family"

"Well you must at least have twitter, surely you've read it on there" I wiped away my eyes so I could see him more clearly

"You're not the girl who ate their own tampon are you" he asked leaning away from me slightly

"Ew no!" I unintentionally spat as I spoke

"Ok, ok! Sorry. Who are you then?" he asked

"My name is Emily, what's your name?"

"Luke, Luke Brooks" he holds his hand out and I shake it lightly

"So are you okay now Emily?" he asks, he stands up and pulls me up with him keeping a strong grip on my hand

"I guess, I just hate the people staring, I know they don't mean it in a nasty way it's just every stare reminds me of what happened"

"Well how about I make you a deal, you go carry on with your shopping and I promise I will make sure people will not stare at you, ok?" he holds his hand out again for me to shake

"How do you plan to do that?" I ask

"Well that would spoil it wouldn't it, just nod and shake my hand then carry on and you'll see"

He keeps his hand out and stares smiling at me waiting for my answer, I wait for a second then nod shaking his hand "you've got a deal Mr. Brooks"

I managed to find my trolley and I continued down the aile I was on grabbing the bits I needed. I could feel the eyes staring again and just as I was about to burst into tears again there was a loud eruption of laughing coming from the next aile, I turned to see five boys one of which being Luke running past the end of the aile in boxers followed by three security gaurds shouting for them to stop.

For the rest of my shopping trip everyone's focus was on those five crazy boys, no one even paid attention to me and it allowed me to get everything down that I needed to. I headed out the shop with my bags and there outside was the five boys stood putting their clothes on

"Thanks" I called over and Luke came running over to me still half undressed

"I hope it worked" he said

"It did, thank you. You guys are crazy though, I really wasn't expecting that" I said

"It's just what we do, here let me help" he said trying to take some of my shopping bags

"No it's fine, you've helped enough, I couldn't ask anymore from you guys"

"No I insist, I've got some help anyway" he turns around and whistles and the other boys run over to his side "Guys this is Emily, we're going to help her with her bags as a lady shouldn't be expected to carry all this" he says

"You charmer Luke" one of the boys says taking the bags from me and handing them out between the five of them "So where did you park my lady?" he asks polietly and I point towards my car

Soon the car was packed and all the boys had headed off except Luke "Thank you" I said trying to force a smile

"That's okay, so why were you upset?" he asks

"Uhm well.."

"You don't have to tell me" he says interupting me

"I kinda like that you don't know, I don't want you to feel sorry for me, I liked that you did this even when you don't know the reason"

"Well then I don't need to know, I'll be here for you Emily, whatever it is" he leans in and softly kisses my cheek "I better catch up with the others, I'll see you around"