lovesick

thirty six

4 weeks later

Normani sat beside me, the both of us leaning back on our arms as we stared up at the sky. The breeze was just right, blowing subtle winds that weren't too cold. The two of us had been sitting on an abandoned building's rooftop for a little over two hours now, far enough from the edge for no accidents. I was being hypnotized by the girl next to me, willingly. My eyes couldn't focus on a place to look when we were watching the sun go down.

Both were just too beautiful.

Normani refused to come up at first, I had to coerce her into doing so, with the promises of kisses and dessert foods, till she finally obliged.

We had been talking heavily for the first two hours, then true to each of our own natures, the conversation died down and we began thinking about one thing that led to two things, then four, then...

I don't know what Normani was thinking about as she looked out into the distance, but it was keeping her busy. She absently twirled the blanket we were sitting on, her fingers working to separate the stray pieces of string. The building's rooftop gave an overlook on part of the city, so we could see bright lights and the traffic that was further ahead.

I watched the girl subtly, leaning back a little further so she wouldn't realize. She was beautiful- my eyes followed her eyebrows, dipping with her nose and stopping at her lips. Even with no makeup, right now she was still photo ready.

My album had done better than I could ever hope for- at the moment Lauren and I were battling each other for the number one spot. But we had fun teasing each other about it.

I made sure that my aunt and uncle made my siblings call me everyday- and if they couldn't, they had to call me early the next day. I couldn't help myself, I just found comfort in hearing their little voices babble on about their days- what classmate they liked, who they played with, their favorite cartoon character...

It comforted me that their lives hadn't stopped, that things were different now- but they were still going.

I assumed it was a quality of being a child, to never fully understand a loss. They knew their mother wasn't there anymore, but I didn't know if they really realized it was permanent yet.

My father on the other hand, certainly realized. He was living off of the checks that I sent for my brothers and sister. But he was mostly using the bulk of it for liquor. I didn't mention to him that I knew. Or that I was the person that was cleaning up the house whenever I would go by. I don't know why I even bothered to go.

I was homesick.

I looked at the girl, watching as she situated herself between my legs. My arms came around her, feeling the difference in warmth from where we touched. There were butterflies in my stomach as I held her, just being here with her was making me slightly fuzzy in the mind.

I was lovesick.

Normani hummed, making my eyes regain focus.
I held her tighter, feeling her lace her fingers with mine.

"Did you say something?" I asked, tentatively breaking the silence that had been there for a while.

Normani shook her head, her eyes remaining ahead.
You could very faintly hear all the traffic, all that was going on down there.