Val

Bygone.

Five.
        the past is tense,
the future is perfect.

Words were never spoken. But the eyes told so much. We sat at the holiday table, since there was so many of us. I sat next to Bella and across Bas and his wife.

Only sounds being heard was the cutting of knives against the ham and forks hitting the almost empty plates. I wouldn't lie, it was easier then I thought, sitting near him. He didn't do anything inappropriate the entire time of the beginning of dinner.

One more meal to go and I was done until the next holiday.

I played with my fork trying to not let my nerves get the best of me. I'd feel eyes on me once in a while. I thought they were from him but I could never catch him in the act. A part of me wanted him to look me in the eye, so he could face me, her. But another part of me was fearful.

"Mija, are you not hungry?" I looked up to my mother, farther down the table from me. "No I'm fine Mama." I could feel their eyes on me. But of course I looked back down to my plate.

I knew she could feel my distance. I've been trying this whole night to fit in but it was hard when I didn't.

"So Valerie, how's New York? You know, living on your own and stuff." Jess, Bas's wife asked.

I only knew few things about Jess, since we went to the same high school but we never spoke to each other. She was more to herself, which confused me on how Bas and her have a child together.

"Uh. It's been normal I guess. I'm settled, I've been living there for years now so I kinda have to be." Her eyes were so innocent, like she new nothing about the family she's married, dilemma.

She nodded her head, smiled and then looked up at Bas, who looked annoyed. She gave him a small smile and then looked back down.

I looked away, not wanting her to see that I was noticing her failure of trying to make her husband feel better.

"So Valerie, when am I going to get more grandkids?" Christopher asked, not daring to look at me.

I cleared my throat, feeling the awkward silence through the room. "Not really on my mind right now." I gripped my leg from under the table, trying so hard not to stutter.

"Oh Mija, time waits for no man. You're twenty-seven years old, you should be making babies now, like your brother." She lectured, continuing to eat her last piece of broccoli.

I rubbed my left temple, slowly. Christopher stared at me waiting for a response.

"Are you seeing anyone?" He asked.

I looked up at him with disgust, he held a smile-awaiting my answer.

Jason quickly came to thought. "Yes." I lied. I needed them to stop asking questions.

"Really?" Both of my parents asked. My mothers was more of excitement while Christopher's was more of disbelief.

"Who the hell would want you?" Bas joked. A part of me lit up, he was joking with me, like old times.

My mother told him to shush up and watch his mouth around Bella. I just smiled contentedly.

"A guy. And no, I'm not giving names. But just know he's very successful so you don't have to worry about me dating an bum."

"Oh Mija, you have to share! You've been single for so long. We have to know who he is." Her eyes lit up with joy but also with persistence as her hand layed on top of mine from down the table. I could feel his eyes staring at our contact. He said nothing about me having an 'relationship' which didn't surprise me at all. He was never a fan.