Breathe in the Unsaid

Part 8

"You have a new cut on your wrist", I said.

"Hmm", said P trying to hide the scar under his sleeve.

"It's okay. You don't have to hide it from me. Moreover, we are dying P. I am sure finding out about a scar is least of our worries.", I said.

Hmm.

So what happened? Why did you cut yourself?

I had a little argument with my dad. He found out that our results for 7th semester is out and I have failed in three subjects.

Well, that was inevitable. He was going to eventually find out about it.

The thing is A, my family is full of achievers. My father has graduated from one of the world's best universities and is now the national head of TXY company. My mother is the principal of a prestigious school and my younger brother is doing great as well. But academics isn't everyone's cup of tea and my family doesn't get that.

Hmm I can relate.

So when my dad found out how badly I had performed in my 7th semester he said some pretty mean things. He even said that he doubts if I am truly his son because his genes cannot produce someone as stupid as me.

Oh God.

It's alright. I am used to it. But sometimes I wonder if I really am used to all this. Look at my arm A, see the number of cuts there are on it. There are more on my thighs too. The stress and tension sometimes gets to hard to bear and in those desperate moments all I can do is hurt myself .

I understand P. The pain that the blade gives us when we run it against our skin is more tolerable than the pain our family gives us by saying ungrateful things. Once my mom told me that when she insults me or humiliates me, the words she uses are out of anger and not otherwise but I could never convince myself that such an excuse is enough to compensate what they make us go through on an emotional level.

Exactly! For years I was made to believe that I was a useless piece of shit who couldn't do anything good with his life. But as I grew old and began to have a perspective of my own, I realised that I wasn't the one who was messed up. I was just, different. 

For our parents if you are not a doctor or an engineer then you are good as nothing. You are a dishonour to the family. If that's the case, then where does this honour go when you beat your kids so much that they begin to bleed just because they did not get a perfect score in their exam or when you make them stand in the burning sun for hours till they faint out of dehydration because they stole a candy?

Whoa. You parents did that?

A lot worse P. A lot worse. Let me tell you about an incident.