The Girl With The Purple Glasses

Pain.

We spent years,

        We spent year holding hands, kissing, holding each other. We held each other while we cried, while we smiled, while we slept. We've fought together, we've screamed at one another. but we never quit we never gave up.

        I am so sorry.... Sometimes I feel like you were the one who made the decision. Sometimes I feel like I'm in your position. I'm so sorry I broke your heart. I'm hurting. I'm struggling.

       It's so hard for me to give you up even though I was the one to do it. I miss you, you were my Doctor, you were my world. I just couldn't do the pain anymore I couldn't help but not feel like we weren't going anywhere like my life wasn't going where I wanted it to go. I felt like there was more anger and tension in our relationship then there was happiness and laughing.

      I miss you... I miss the smell of you, I miss your big eyes, I miss your touch, I miss the way you would look at me. I can feel the difference. I can see the difference in your eyes. You hate me and that's all I feel. You tell me different but I can tell with out your words...

     Its going to be so hard to see you move on. Its going to hurt, its going to be like ripping out an organ, pouring salt on it and then putting it back in. I know this all sounds like you left me when reality I left you, I just feel like I haven't shown how I really feel and never got the chance to tell you how much I truly do love you, and care about you. I want you to know that I am truly sorry.  I felt this was the right thing to do because I didn't feel happy being with you. I felt like we fought way too much to be happy, like we disagreed and didn't like the same things anymore. I just hate that it ended like this and I hate that you feel like I've wanted to break up for a long time but I haven't. Just everytime we fought it brought me closer to the edge. I felt like I was starting to chase you and no one was chasing me back. I felt you were more angry with me about the things I would say and do then you were happy with me and like you weren't trusting me.

      I guess I just wanted to say.... I'm in pain too. I'm missing you too. I still love you too.

      I'm sorry.