Twinsane Love (Completed)

Chapter 6: Heartbroken Loner

Being alone is very difficult - Yoko Ono

Colin's POV

Time: 3 Months Ago

*raining*

"I hate rainy days." I mumbled to myself. I look as far as I could through my windows. How I wish that I can live in a world that will never rain. Rains always reminded me of my dark past. I walked myself to my study desk and I sat there silently. I began to recall all the 'nightmares' that I really wished to forget.
...................

I was a loner. I'm a child that nobody wants.

My mother never been there for me. She hates me. She was sick. Mentally unstable due to postpartum psychosis after she gave birth to me. She had tried to burn me alive in an oven and trying to feed me with bleach. It's not long after that, she was diagnosed with schizophrenia. That's why she was put in an asylum. My mother died at the age of 24 while I'm 10. I never got the chance to know her better, to feel what a motherly love was. I was left heartbroken.

As long I can remember, she always cussing and spitting on me whenever my grandma and I when to visit her in the asylum. After my mother died, grandma told me the reason why my mother became mentally ill. I'm a child that born from raped. My mother had been gang raped by 4 boys from her school. She was just 14. The culprits were never been charged because one of them was the Mayor's son. My heart continued to shatter.

The world was really cruel. God took my grandma away on my 14th birthday. I felt that I'm surrounded by bad luck, by deaths.

After my grandma died, I was taken into Kyle's family. My mother and Kyle's mother were siblings. It's really a refreshing start for me. I had a mother that really cares about me for the first time. Until I met my first love, Cassandra. My life changed drastically.

She was my highschool sweetheart. I dated her for 2 months before she decided to broke up with me. He dumped me for a rich college boy. I tried to reconcile with her but his new boyfriend didn't take it well. He knew that I'm still loving Cassandra. He and his minions had caught me, beats me up, and fucking raped me. They raped me in front of Cassandra. They humiliated me in front of her. I didn't want her to look at me while I'm being abused by these bastards. Then I realised. Cassandra did'nt scared or crying at that time, but she was grinning with satisfaction. She enjoyed watching me being raped. I stopped fighting. There was nothing left to be fought for.

My brokenheart completely crumbled into dust. I felt empty inside. When they were done with me, they left me out on the street. It was raining. My body was completely soaked. I cried so hard on that day, letting all my frustrations out. I'm done being abused. I can't trust anyone. They are all 'possible liars'. I have to be strong. I have to be strong to survive.
...................

*thunders*

I felt my head flinch. My eyes are twitching. Those memories of being trampled being abused were rushing back inside my mind. I slammed my desk hard. I found that the pen that I hold on in my hand was broken into pieces. Blood are dripping out from my wound. I clenching my teeth. I feel that pain is somekind of pleasure. I'm sick. I know that I'm slowly become insane. But as always, there are no one who willing to save me.

Suddenly I feel a warm hugs across my shoulder. It's Leon, my roommate. I stare into his eyes. I try to decipher what is inside his head right now. Does he thinks that I'm a freaking, secretive boy who love to inflict injuries to myself? I drop my eyes to look at my wounded hand. The blood is still dripping.

Leon grabs the first aid kit under my desk and started to clean up my wound. I keep on staring at him. He took out a cloth bandage and wrapped it around my hand. When he was done wrapping it, he held my hand and kissed it.

"Whatever you're dealing with, I'm always be there for you. Stop hurting yourself. I can't stand to look you in pain. Please let me be inside your heart. Let me be your 'painkiller' to take your pain away."

Leon hugged me tightly, he brought me up to my bed. He leaned next to me, continued to hug me. I tried to shove him off but I can't. I felt calm under his hugs.

What is wrong with me?! I need to be strong. I don't want anyone to hurt me anymore. They are all 'possible liars'. They will lie to me eventually. I must not trust anyone! I must push Leon away!

My brain tried so hard sending signals to my hands to shove Leon away but instead my hands acted by its own, pull him closer and I plant a kiss on his lips.

Ooh God. What am I doing? Am I so desperate to be loved?

I closed my eyes and waited for a slap or a punch lands to my face. But it never came. I felt that Leon opened his mouth and started nibbling my lower lips. I'm shocked.

What is he doing? Please stop. I don't want to be hurt again.

Suddenly I felt some kind of electric shock running inside my veins. I shove Leon off. I opened my eyes and I saw him smiling. I'm blushed.

"Please leave me alone. I am a nobody. You would not want to be associated with me. The introvert, social freak. It would tarnished your reputation as the soccer star." I said.

"I don't care about my reputation. I don't care about others who would throw me out just because I choose to hang out with you. They don't own me. So they can't control what am I going to be or with whom I am choosing to be with. Screw them." Says Leon.
..................

Date: present

I loosen up my fist. I look at the scar on my palm. Is he telling the truth? Is the concussion is real? Does Leon already forgotten the kisses, the hugs that we shared 3 months ago? Or is he trying to get rid off me just like everyone else?

"It's really a deep scar you had there, Colin." Leon hold my palm up in his hand and he trail his fingers on the scar.

I sigh. Why is he so adorable?

"Don't you remember anything about the scar?" I asked.

He shook his head slowly. He still holding my hand and caressing it with his thumb. He looks confused. I brush his hair and give him a flick on the forehead.

"Nevermind dumb-dumb. I'm glad that you're still alive even though the 'concussion' seems had made you forget everything about us." I chuckled

"Let's start all over again. Shall we?" Leon said with a smile on his face.

I nod. "I'm glad that today is a sunny day. I hate rains."

Please God, please let my 'sunshine' shines for me a bit longer. Don't take him away from me. I love him so much.

"Me too." He replied.
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Coldplay -- The Scientist