First off, I absolutely refuse to have my summary include the generic phrase: "A story about [blank], [something annoyingly hipstery like sculpted beards] and learning to dance in the rain." Because this story is not generic. In fact, it's not even...
I have always been passionate about shopping. Since I could speak properly, I was always opinionated about my own style and what I liked my parents to dress me in. My mum would often involve me in the process of visiting the kids' sections of clothing shops, which I fully enjoyed. I loved (and still do!) receiving clothes for birthdays or Christmas - although I do prefer gift cards or cash, just to avoid those awkward differences in taste.
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Above: Accurate representation of foetus Teagan in her element.
I do not believe in a higher being. However, I do believe in the fact that a girl can never have too many shoes. Or clothes. Or accessories. It is for these reasons, that when Nick disclosed information regarding the Trafford student lock-in over the phone, I freaked the fuck out.
"It's the annual opportunity for university students to go crazy. The majority of the shops at the mall have exclusive discounts, and it's totally closed off to any of the public without a student card. We have to go. There is no excuse."
He certainly didn't have to tell me twice, and I said as much. "When is it then?!" I asked aggressively, almost as though I was interrogating the poor guy.
"Tonight, 5 'til 10! Get your shit ready and WhatsApp me your address, I'm picking you up in my car in 30 minutes. Is your loan in your account?"
"Yeah, came through on Monday morning. Let's do this shit, seeya soon!" I chirped, before tapping the end call button.
Right.
This was a serious mission that I was about to undertake. I was entering territory with crazy deals and crazy students. Time to strategize.
I rolled off my bed and sprung up, going over to my desk. I opened my laptop and typed in the URL for the shopping centre's website, fingers dancing along the keyboard rapidly. I began researching the shops and discounts available to me. Why couldn't I be this good with actual important work? I asked myself in irritation.
Okay, let's see. Victoria's Secret were doing 7 pairs of pants for £20. Definitely indulging in that. 20% off with H&M, New Look and River Island. A whopping 30% off at Topshop?! I had clearly died and gone to the shopaholic's heaven. Even Superdry had stuff going on. This was too good to be true. I copied down the best deals onto my Notes app, ranking them from largest to smallest discounts. As a logical and experienced shopper, the shops with the best discounts would run out of styles the fastest. Being blessed as a size 8/10 (US size 4/6!) was also a curse, because these sizes would usually disappear before you could fucking blink. And don't even get me started on size S in H&M. I mean for Christ's sake, all they ever have are XS and L!
Dressed for the day so far in a hoodie and jeans, I decided that this wasn't the ideal outfit for quick changes. No, the practical shopper needed an outfit that consisted of minimal layers and minimal effort. I opted for a fairly oversized Melanie Martinez sweatshirt (Larger means easier to remove), black leggings (No zippers or buttons) and some Toms (Laces are a waste of time). It definitely wasn't my most co-ordinated outfit choice, but I'd have the last laugh zooming in and out of changing rooms and grabbing bargains. Where would all the overdressed bitches be? Still struggling to pull up their super skinnies and tie their laces for the tenth time. If there's anything you people actually learn from my misadventures and apply to life, please let it be this paragraph.
