Alpha's Mate (boyxboy) ✔

Hands of a Monster

I stared at Cole's face for what felt like an eternity. Gradually, his pale lips had slowly turned into a healthier shade of pink, and, albeit his normal skin color didn't even have too much different than his current skin color that was as white as a paper--he was slowly recovering nonetheless.

Cole was breathing very softly as I slowly grabbed his little hand into mine. Then, shifting my eyes to his hand--to the one that I was holding--I couldn't help but smile to myself at how tiny it looked compared to mine. It looked so much like a kitten that got lost into a bunch of fluffy cushion, and the thought somehow had made me chuckle.

Eyy. Am I crazy? A few months ago I was even disgusted to touch his skin with my fingertips, and now looked where I am? I'm sitting here, watching him sleeping as I held his hand and laughed at its adorableness like a madman; and I didn't even know why. Sure, maybe it was just too early to conclude that perhaps, I am in love with this boy, but everything could be started from the bottom, right? Maybe, I'd uncontrollably fall in love with him some day. Maybe, I'd will myself to touch more than his hand someday. Or perhaps, maybe someday, there would be nothing I wanted to see but just his smile. All of that could happen anyway, if I just let my cold stone heart open for him.

And now, I'm certainly sure I am more than ready to do that.

Cole was shifting a little when I awkwardly planted a gentle small kiss on the back of his hand; which then I responded by quickly releasing my hold. His soft breath turned slightly harsh--but thankfully it was just for a second. He returned to his calm self--his hand that I had previously held was clenched tightly--which then suddenly, something felt like slowly shooting into my train of thought.

He hated me. Hell, from the look of it, it was also pretty obvious that he didn't even wanted me around him, let alone me making a flirty move like that on him just now. I could felt my wolf was whining upon the rejection however, and my heart was pounding against my ribcage--hurting--like it had been pierced with millions of tiny needles.

Cole had it worst though. I hit him when he wanted a bit of an affection from me, but here I am, already feeling like giving up just because of a small rejection. It was my fault after all that if he hated me, and I wouldn't even complain.

Then, someone suddenly knocked on the door. Twice.

"Good morning, Alpha..." the doctor greeted as he shook my hand gently.

"Yeah, good morning too doctor..." I said back with a friendly and calm smile albeit how much I was actually trembling inside. What the doctor going to say? I don't know.

The doctor smiled at me before he swiftly glanced at Cole. But once I noticed how serious his expression had turned once his eyes landed at him, I knew something wasn't exactly alright. I could tell from the first glance.

"I think we need to talk outside".

I gulped hardly.

"Yeah, sure..." I answered before I quickly followed after him behind.

It was pretty tense, and I could my hands was already sweating when I stood face to face with the young doctor. He looked at me for a while and sighed heavily.

"...i-is he going to be alright doctor?" I asked finally, trying to break the intense silence that suddenly wrapped in the atmosphere around us. I felt uncomfortable all of a sudden, and it was making me panic, nervous and dizzy. Though I knew whatever that would come out from this doctor's mouth wouldn't be anything good at all; I just wanted him to break it to me right now anyway. Then, something clicked in. "...a-and the baby--".

"I'm sorry, Alpha. Your mate is safe, but not your baby..." the doctor said, and upon hearing it, I almost collapsed on the floor. There was a pounding feeling in my head and so did my heart. Sadness. Guilt. Regret. Anger. I felt like I wanted to explode into a million pieces of dust and faded into the thin air. "...it actually had died in the night after he was missing--roughly two weeks ago..." he added softly as he put a comforting hand on my shoulder. "...and because of that, we'd also discover that his womb was slightly infected and damaged, but don't you worry; after a few surgeries, he's perfectly fine now. However, unfortunately..." he paused and he sighed heavily. "...there is no chance that he will possibly getting pregnant again. And even if he is, I can't confirm that the baby will be safe. He had to do an abortion if he is pregnant again in the future".

Small beads of tears felt across my cheeks.

As I looked down on the floor, the doctor was comforting me by softly giving my shoulder a small rub. My chest felt tightened, and the only thing I felt like wanted to do right now was begging Cole for the forgiveness that I didn't even deserve.

I'd ruined his life.

I'd destroyed his hope.

And I'd killed our baby.

"D-do you have any other ways to safe him?" I asked, my breath was hitching slightly. "...please, please".

The doctor then shook his head sadly.

"I'm sorry".

Then I cried. I knew it was too late, but regret had never come early anyway. Sure I deserved this, but not Cole. I'd find a way to make him returned back to his normal state, cause it's my mistake, and I had to fix it.