Jessie's Boy [boyxboy]

fifteen | first crushes

F I F T E E N | F I R S T  C R U S H E S

Avoiding Jeremiah proved difficult when he himself was both so interesting and interested in conversation with me. 

Coming to terms with my crush on him was easier than expected when I allowed myself to acknowledge it but I wasn't all that interested in talking about it yet. I didn't intend on ignoring him, honestly, I didn't but when the time came to speak to him, I'd been a little less than eager. Talking to him about him, that would've solidified everything and then we'd be Nas and Ofie 2.0, minus the whole stabbing your best friend in the back thing.

Wait.

Yeah, Nas and Ofie 2.0 and I knew how it was gonna end. I just didn't have the time to get my heart broken.

miah 💓: u up?

And despite how much I told myself not to, all that I convinced myself, I still found my fingers skidding across the face of my phone, flirting in my words. It was natural, that was what I boiled it down to, I didn't care to talk to him, I didn't need to talk to him.

hitting me up at booty call hours, classy

The text alert had caught me off guard. Normally with Jeremiah, we'd do this thing where we'd both not want to text back too soon, or, at least I did... it kept him from thinking we were deeper than we were. But he'd texted back quickly, his read receipts were only a minute off and he texted back before I could even exit the thread.

miah 💓: lmao

He texted me more than once though, and in only a few words, he had my heart pounding again.

miah 💓: really, i just wanted to talk to u

miah 💓: is that weird?

I wasn't sure how to respond to that? He was putting it out there that he was interested and I'd caught all the hints, they were so obvious, I couldn't even pretend not to notice. Jeremiah wanted to be something and I wasn't sure how to let alone if I even wanted to but I was too deep in to pretend like I hadn't given him that idea. I'd slept over his house, spent time with him, kissed him outside of a purely sexual manner and that all had caught up; I couldn't act like I was interested and then pretend like he was imagining it, that wasn't fair.

But he was being bold, bolder than I expected and I didn't know if I liked it.

It definitely left an effect on me... I couldn't stop overthinking and overanalyzing everything. Was this what liking someone felt like?

Texting wasn't my thing, talking wasn't either and he wanted to do both. I never talked to guys, only fucked and when fucking was over... that was that. Maybe I wanted something with him, maybe I did but maybes were never guaranteed and feelings were tricky. I simply settled for telling him the truth, or at least the smallest amount of the truth I could tell at the moment.

a little.

My response was short but he didn't seem to mind, he was good at filling in spaces I left in our conversations.

miah 💓: i don't care

That brought a smile to my face, a tingling in the pit of my stomach and I didn't know if it was pleasant or not. Was 'i miss you' too forward? Was it too much too soon?

He wasn't asking the same, he didn't have the same hesitance because he'd texted me three times after that, all at once and he wasn't holding back.

miah 💓: ain't seen u in a bit, kinda miss yo boring ass

miah 💓: i mean, i'm not opposed to a booty call either