overdosed

three//anger

  josh woke up on the floor in an uncomfortable position that gave him a sharp pain in his neck. he got up and rubbed his neck. he grabbed his phone and checked to see if there were any messages. there were none. a sudden burst of rage surged through his body. now, wondering how long it's been since he first passed out, he checked his phone. it's been about 11 hours. no one called him to see if he was okay. no one cared what he was doing. he tried to be reasonable and accept that tyler would probably be hanging out with jenna, but it was almost impossible. josh went to the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror. what he saw was terrifying. he had dark circles under his eyes and his bright hair was matted and seemed dulled. his eyes were bloodshot. josh, never experiencing anything like this, didn't know what to think. what had he just done?               
   looking for Tylenol, his eyes stop on a new shunting razor. the blade was calling for him to be used, but not for its intended purpose. he grabbed the blade. he looks into the mirror then back at the blade. he slid the blade like a violin , at first he thought nothing happened because he felt numb. then he looked at his arm to see  blood pouring out like water out the faucet. he liked the feeling . he liked everything about it. he sat down on the toilet seat and did it again. the only thing he can see is Blood . red dark blood. josh smirked to see the blood dripping on the floor. it pleased him in a sick twisted way.  jenna hasn't been on his mind all morning and he liked that. this could be a getaway.
    josh jumped at the sound of his phone ringing. reaching over and grabbing it, blood dropped onto his screen. not bothering  to wipe it away, josh read that it was his mother calling. not who he wanted , but the thought of his mother remembering him and acknowledging him was comforting, so he chose to swipe to answer.
   "uh, um. h-hey  mom," josh stuttered in a raspy morning voice that he hoped hid his sorrow.
   "hey baby boy. just wanted to check in. no one has heard from you the last few weeks and i wanted to make sure my son was okay. are you okay?" his mother inquired, seeming genuinely concerned.  enough time passed by to become awkward, so josh had to quickly answer.
  "yeah mom. i'm fine. just been a little stressed about the upcoming tour," he said back. He heard his mom mumble on the other end, but nothing he could make out into words.
   she said back, "i love you josh." she sounded sympathetic. Josh didn't want her to sound that way. when she sounded that way he knew that she was suspicious of him. if she was suspicious, good things never happened.  josh replied in a way he thought could possibly alter her opinions on how he's feeling.
  "i love you, too, mom. please don't worry. i don't need you carrying my stress. i am a grown man mom, i have worries too,and i can handle them. just trust me, i'm okay," he said, half meaning it, half trying to persuade her.  He concludes that she's thinking about what he said, because she hasn't said anything back. Josh chooses not to hang up, but wait for a response. a very awkwardly tense minute passes by before she finally says, "okay josh. i understand. but you can't stop a mother from having fear. i'm somewhat assured now. i love you, but please call." josh mutters a simple "yes" in response and the phone call is drawn to an end. sighing in relief, josh looks down and notices the blood still on his arm, now dripping down the length of his forearm; some landing on, and possibly staining, his jeans.