Interviewer: So guys, it’s been a while since you guys have made an appearance on stage! What have you guys been up to?
Alex: Fucking, masturbating, the usual.
Jack: Mostly masturbating to each other.
Rian: Or masturbating each other.
Interviewer: What about you Zack?
Zack: I’ve been keeping up with photography, still working out.
Interviewer: I see you’ve been keeping your body in nice shape!
Alex: Fucking burns a lot of calories
Jack: He’s good at thrusting.
Zack: If you haven’t noticed, they’re all still very immature
Interviewer: Keeping youth is the way to be, right guys?
Rian: Of course, but I have to admit, I love going up to people and saying “Back when I was a boy..”
Jack: And screaming “GET OFF MY LAWN YOU ROTTEN KIDS”
Alex: He does that to the ninety year olds who walk by
Zack: And at dogs
Interviewer: So you guys still stay in touch?
Alex: Of course. Sure, we’ve grown up and all but we still talk and hang out. Getting older doesn’t mean we lose our friends; we just get more into life. And to go back to your first statement, it hasn’t been too long since we’ve been on stage. We’ve opened up for some bands. It’s just a matter of family now.
Interviewer: How does your fan base feel about you guys making a comeback tour?
Jack: They’re all having orgasms as we speak
Alex: They’re packing away all their bras. We’ll definitely be able to start up a lingerie store after this year.
Rian: Just imagine all the 20-40 year old people jumping up and down and pushing each other. It’s gonna be a riot.
Zack: I think they’ll be excited. After all, it’s been what, 10 years since we’ve had our own tour?
Interviewer: But of course, you guys never split up correct?
Jack: Alex split his legs apart for me
Alex: that’s true. Rian split his ass cheeks for me. Zack split his lips open for Rian. So I guess we split up.
Zack: On a serious note, no we never split up.
