Mistakes

Chapter 5: What have I done?

 Hide looked up as Touka bursts through his door.

"Touka? What's wrong?" She didn't answer right away, pausing to catch her breath.

"You're a fucking douche you know?" 

"What?" She sits, gesturing for him to do the same. 

"Nagachika... He wasn't cheating on you. He- Tsukiyama- Oh damn it all! Your ex-boyfriend was raped, and you broke up with him. That's not the only problem. He thinks he deserves it. You broke him Nagachika." Hide felt everything shatter around him. 

"Oh my god..." He whispered, thinking back to his small lover. His gentle eyes, that smile that shown when it showed... sweet innocence. Kaneki did not deserve to be raped. 

"Can I see him?" Desperation filled Hide suddenly, as he looks up at Touka. He needs  to see Kaneki, needs to apologize, needs to know he's okay. 

"Yeah. He's really beat up and weak right now, so be careful alright?" 

"I understand." She nods, leading him out the door.  

"Come on then."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Ken? Touka an dI are here. Can we come in?" There's a pause that lasts a few minute but to Hide it seems like hours. Finally the door clicks open. Touka excuses herself, muttering something about giving them space. 

The boy who opened the door is much too thin. Skin a sickly yellow-grey, bones showing clearly. Deep shadows lurk beneath haunted grey eyes. Kaneki holds himself up by holding the door, to weak to support his own weight, shaking. 

"Hide?" That wakes him up and before Kaneki can fall he scoops the trebling young man into his arms. 

"Ken." He whispers, carrying the boy to the bed. Kaneki looks confused and lost, a deer in the headlights with his shy doe eyes. 

"I thought you hated me." Tears fill those eyes he loves so much, and Hide feels his heart break. 

"No." The force in his voice scares Kaneki, who flinches back. Hide's eyes soften and he makes an effort to make his voice more gentle. 

"Never. Ken, you mean more to me than you could ever imagine. I could never hate you." It's now or never, time to to the boy how he feels, time to apologize. It all tumbles out in a rush. 

"I know I don't deserve you, but please, hear me out. When I heard you two from the other side, I ran away. Instead of asking you and learning the truth, I abandoned you. I can't express how much I want to take that back, how guilty I feel. I care about you so much Ken. You make up my whole world. I don't deserve a second chance, so I won't ask for one. As long as I may stand by your side I'm happy. Will you let me stay?" Kaneki latched onto him, bursting into tears. Hide brought his arms around the crying boy and pulled him close, running fingers through his hair soothingly. 

"Don't go. Please don't leave." Kaneki begged, sobbing. The dam broke and he began to speak, stumbling over his words as he poured everything out. 

"I' so scared without you. I love you so so much, I don't want to be apart. Please don't drive that away. Please don't leave. Please-" Hide cut him off. 

"I will always be right here, by your side. Never will I leave you again. I'm here and not going anywhere." He adjusted the boy in his arms gently, cradling him. 

"It's okay now. Go to sleep Ken. It'll help get your energy and strength back." Kaneki curled against him, snuggling under the blanket Hide draped over him. 

"I love you." He murmured sleepily. 

"I love you too. Get some rest." Kaneki nodded off immediately. Hide smiled down at him endearingly, taking in the bruises dotting his pale skin. 

'What have I done?'