That One Game.

a f t e r - a l e x a

My counsellor told me people deal with death in different ways. I was unusual, she told me in her posh accent that just shouted 'I'm better than you!'.

She said there are tons of ways to mourn a loved one. Crying being the most popular of them.

I cried but only a little. Soon after, the tears never graced my cheeks. That sounds weird, graced. Almost as if Grace had forbid my tears to fall.

She said anger was another way of dealing with death, but not the most helpful way.

I was angry. I was angry at myself for not stopping the game sooner. I was angry at Grace for being so damn stupid. I was angry at David for giving her the bloody dare in the first place. Lets just say, I'm a quite angry child.

But how I mourned was strange, I became mute.

I didn't say anything, not a single word, which aggravated my mother and father to long extents. They'd cry and beg me to talk but I just couldn't. No matter how hard I tried to spew out words, I just couldn't. The words were lodged in my throat, staying put. 

Words that I used to speak are just ghosts upon my lips.

But was was even stranger was the fact that David mourned just like I do. He doesn't speak either.

We've become closer now, David and I. We sit in a comfortable silence, because that's all we can do.

We don't scream at each other, willing for some noise to come from our throats. We don't burst into tears, realising no words are forming.

We are peaceful. And I like that.

I see David everyday. Sometimes even at night. He helps me. We help each other.

He'd hold me in his arms while I thought of a thousand different words to say. I just couldn't.

I want to tell him how I think I'm in love with him. I want to tell him how much he means to me. How much he helps me. I just can't.

Everyone's closer after Grace's death. Hunter and Ella finally got together, after months of Ella following him round like a lost puppy. That girl needs Hunter and I swear, if he breaks her glass heart I'm gong to kick his ass into next year. David and I are joined at the hip.

It's strange not seeing Grace twenty-four seven. But I guess it's something I have to get used to. 

BECAUSE SHE'S GONE.