That One Game.

a f t e r - e r i c

Being at my daughters funeral was an out of body experience. It was crazy. It was depressing. It was heart breaking.

Family and friends are seated in the brown pews with solemn looks plastered on their faces. Some even tearing.

We sat on the front row, Raynee, Matthew and I. Joined by Ella and Hunter.

Ella is a mess. A wreck. A beautiful disaster. Her mascara has run astray, leaving black lines down her blotchy face. Her eyes are an awful red colour from the crying she had done with dark circles sticking out underneath.

Hunter looked no better. I guess someone has to take care of the mess Ella has become, as her parents left for a vacation. I don't know how they even stepped foot on that plane to New Zealand knowing their daughter was breaking down.

Just behind us are the rest of Grace's friends. Alexa, David, Gabriella and their parents too. All of them looking as bad as we do.

I tune out for most of the service even if it is kind words about Grace. I don't want to hear it! I don't even want to be here!

Why is this me?

Why is it me with the dead daughter?

Why does the world insist on breaking me?

Raynee nudges me, with tears dribbling down her face.

I look up and I realise it's my turn to speak.

I clear my throat as I stand up. I gently walk towards the coffin in which my beautiful girl is laid.

She shouldn't be there. That should be me. Why isn't it me?

"Well...I don't know what to say. I could say all the millions of positive things about Grace. I could tell you how talented she was. I could tell you how good her voice actually sounds. But I'm not going to because you already know that. Grace was never an easy kid but hey, I like challenges. At a young age, Grace was deemed mentally unable. She had a type of brain cancer that is deadly to children her age. I'd be lying if I told you I was okay. I wasn't. I was a broken man with a heartbroken wife and a dying child. I wouldn't wish that feeling upon anyone. Grace, being Grace, pulled through the cancer with serious consequences though. Her brain was messed up and they told us she wouldn't live past seven. She did. That strong girl beat all the doctors. Her grades were always low, we weren't expecting high grades but we are proud of her. We are proud of what she became. As she got older her report cards got better and better until she got this straight A pattern." I had everyone's attention. You could literally hear a pin drop.

I wiped away some tears before continuing.

"I was the proudest person to walk this earth. I still am. I'm proud to call Grace my daughter. I'm proud to say what she's been through and what's she become because I'm proud of her. Then came her teenage years. God, was she trouble. Couldn't keep her away from the vodka. She treated us with less respect but it was okay. We are still her parents. We love her. Her friends, Ella, Hunter, Alexa, Gabs and David were regulars at our house. She loved them to bits. And trust me you five, she'd want you to be happy. She'd want you to smile and enjoy life. Ella, Grace is still you're best friend and if you ever need a place to call a safe place, our door is always open, princess. And Hunter, a little message from Grace herself, hurt Ella and she's resurrect herself just to kill you."

I got a few weak chuckles but more tears. Ella was sobbing into Hunter's chest and holding on to his hand.

"And Grace, if you're looking down on us now, or even listening to us, please know a couple of things. We could never ask for a better daughter, you are perfect, my little sugar plum. I wouldn't be me if it wasn't for you, as cliche as that sounds. Grace we miss you. Grace we love you. We love you more stars in the sky. We love you more than all the grains of sand in the world. No one would possibly love as person as much as I love you. Stay beautiful darling. Daddy will be with you soon."

I FELL ON MY KNEES WITH TEARS SPURTING OUT OF MY EYES, I JUST COULDN'T GO ON.