Monsters Inside Him (Completed)

Chapter 57: Alphabet

Chapter 57: Alphabet

“Please, Darlin’, please don’t be afraid of me.”

I shook my head at him, feeling the unwanted fear pitted in my stomach. But I wasn’t afraid of HIM. How could I be? How could I be afraid of the man who would do anything for me? How could I be afraid of the one person in the world loves me? Who’d give his life for me? Who’s give up everything… for me?

“I’m not afraid of you.” I whispered. I was afraid of letting him down. I was afraid that maybe he was right, maybe I wouldn’t be able to be as intimate with him as either of us would like.

“That’s bullshit. I can see it. I can tell you’re afraid.” He whispered harshly, clearly angry at himself.

“I’m not afraid of you.” I said again, that time more firm and a little louder than before. He looked me dead in the eye and got up to his towering height. I could tell he was getting ready to leave, but before he could, I leapt off the bed and stumbled against him. My body hit his chest and his arms caught me, holding me tightly, but gently, like I was a porcelain doll.

He didn’t even have time to question what I was doing before I wrapped my arms around his neck and forced his head down and stood on my tiptoes so that our lips connected in a spark. He was frozen under my touch for a minute, unsure of how to react.

But he is a man, after all.

So he succumbed to his needs and kissed back roughly. His hands moved from being wrapped around my torso, to gripping my waist. I leaned into him as much as I could.

Our mouths were hard against each other, but I reveled at the feeling of his touch, his lips, his strength. I could literally have just stayed in his arms forever and ever.

But he had other plans.

We collapsed backwards onto the bed, our limbs entangled and suddenly his shirt was off. I’m still not sure which one of us took it off, but needless to say his chiseled and tattooed chest was bare and it made me want him… no need him, even more.

“Are you sure?” His voice was rough and husky with desire. I nodded, unable to speak as my mouth left kisses along his collar bone.

“Let’s have a safe word, just in case we take it too far for you.” He suggested. I nodded again, but didn’t really pay attention to what he was saying.

“And you don’t have to just use it during sex. Anytime when I make you feel afraid. Or if I get to angry or anything. Just use the safe word and I’ll back off.”

It made me sad that Zayn felt the need to give me a safe word. He shouldn’t have to. Normal relationships aren’t like this.

“What should it be?” He questioned.

“Alphabet.” I responded, without missing a beat. I just spoke the first word that came to mind so he would shut up and we could get on with it already.

“Alphabet?”

“Yep.”

Before he could do any more talking, I stripped off my shirt.

Then it was my pants that came off… and then his pants… and then our underwear.

We didn’t use the safe word at all that night.

“Zayn!” My voice echoed through the empty hallways of the large house as I peeked out of the bedroom. I threw on a sweatshirt and some sweatpants, and started to go on a search for my fiancé.

I could’ve sworn I fell asleep in his arms, safe and cuddled to his chest, but I woke up to an empty bed.

The house was completely deserted. I couldn’t hear a sound anywhere. Earlier that day, the house was bustling with people (ok, gang members) but Zayn said they all left after the meeting was over.

And then I was stuck in a large house, by myself, with nothing to do.

It took me a while to find out how to get downstairs, but once I did I was led into the kitchen by a sweet aroma. Was Zayn cooking for me?

No. He wasn’t.

But Eleanor was.

“El!” I shouted in surprise and rushed forward so I could hug her tightly. She smiled back and returned the embrace. I felt warm tears press into my shoulder, but even I couldn’t deny the happiness at seeing my best friend again.

“I missed you so much! Hannah! You have no idea! Do you know how hard it was to be the only girl around here? I missed you. How are you feeling? Are you ok? I can’t believe you and Zayn are getting married! I’m so happy for you. I better be the bridesmaid or there will be hell to pay. But I’m so happy you’re back and engaged and healthy!”

I laughed at her excitement and overenthusiasm. She was literally jumping up and down with happiness.

“What’s going on?” I asked her once she finally let me go and I was able to breathe again.

“Zayn called Louis like an hour ago and said that there was urgent business in South London, but he didn’t want to leave you alone so here I am. While the boys are away, the girls will play!” She squealed.

“He left?” I questioned, not being able to ignore the feeling of hurt. I mean, I knew that Zayn’s ‘job’ was demanding and all, but we had… sex and he wasn’t there when I woke up. It had been the first time in a while since we’ve, you know, and the first time since Jay…

Anyways, I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised, but I was.

“Yeah, and he was really pissed about it too, but the boys will be back before we know it. We’re not going to mope, so take that pout off your face and let’s gossip.” She motioned to the kitchen table and took a seat. I mimicked her action so that I was right across from her.

“I’m making cookies.” She referenced the amazing aroma in the kitchen.

“How’ve you been, El?” I asked her. She smiled brightly at me and then looked down at her hands.

“Amazing. Ok, this is going to sound really bad, but when you moved back to America, it helped my relationship. I think Louis realized how easily things could change and how quickly Zayn lost me, so, I don’t know, he’s just been great.”

“That’s so good!”

“I just… I make dinner, and he helps me. He’s always surprising me with gifts and flowers now. And he’s just being extra sweet and stuff. And… and there’s so much more sex.” She blushed, shifting her eyes away in embarrassment. I laughed with her, not being able to suppress the happiness I felt at her improvements in the relationship.

“Anyways, how are you feeling? Are you ok? I mean, when you left things were rough and Zayn kept updating Louis while he was in America and he said that you were not holding up well, so…” She looked at me sympathetically, but to be honest, it took me a minute to figure out what she was talking about.

Oh yeah… that.

“I’m ok now. I feel better, Zayn is helping me get better.”

Eleanor and I talked for a while, and munched on cookies, until we heard the front door open. Both of our heads whipped around at the sound so that our focus was on the doorway.

Sure enough, Louis appeared, looking stressed and tensed, but his face broke out into a grin as his eyes landed on his woman.

“Hi Hannah.” He greeted me as he grasped Eleanor’s hand and pulled her off her chair. She giggled as he started to pepper her face with kisses until he finally planted one on her lips. I crinkled my nose in disgust and suddenly wondered where Zayn was. I stood from my chair and wandered into the foyer, looking for Zayn.

He wasn’t there, but the door was open so I figured he was still outside. I stood on the stone steps in front of the door and searched for him. I heard a car door slam shut so I headed over to the fancy black car.

I headed around the side and nearly jumped back three feet when I found not Zayn, but Harry.

“Hello there, gorgeous.” He winked at me as he unloaded the trunk of the car. I furrowed my brows and glanced around for Zayn.

“Pretty boy already went inside, Han.” Harry shook his head, in mock disappointment that I wasn’t there for him.

“Oh.” I felt awkward standing there with him, but I enjoyed the feeling of the sun on my arms. I stayed outside in Harry’s presence for a few more moments. He stared at me oddly, but I guess he kind of understood since the sun rarely came out in London.

“You like the house?” He said, drawing my attention off the beautiful weather. I shrugged, not sure how to answer without being offensive or dishonest. My response seemed to be amusing to him because he chuckled deeply.

“You hate it.” He stated, as if he knew my very thoughts.

“I don’t… I don’t hate it, per say.” Harry shook his head, knowing I was bullshitting him.

“You hate it. But don’t worry, doll, I won’t tell the bossman.” He winked.

Harry continued emptying the car of luggage and boxes, even through the shouting that was coming from inside.

“HANNAH!” The familiar tenor of anger and fear echoed even outside. I looked up to the doorway to see Zayn run out and fiercely look around. His dark eyes landed on me and he started storming over.

“Fucking hell, Hannah.” He cursed at me as soon as I was in earshot. Harry looked up when I let out a yelp. Zayn grabbed my arm harshly and began to yank me inside.

“I fucking go to put my glock away and suddenly I can’t find you anywhere. You weren’t in the bedroom, you weren’t in the kitchen where El and Lou were sucking face, but I see the fucking door open. Do you want to know what I thought?!”

I braced myself for one of the worst yellings ever. He hadn’t shouted at me so loudly since the day the Sharks took me and I continuously pissed him off.

“I fucking thought that you were GONE! Gone like before, fucking out of the house, out of my protection-”

“Hey man, why don’t you cool down?” And suddenly Harry was there, grabbed Zayn’s wrist in an attempt to loosen his hold. I stared at him in shock, complete shock. Harry was the one who believed in disciplining women the most. He seemed the most adamant on Zayn being rougher with me.

“The fuck?” Zayn snapped.

“Alphabet.” I whispered. Harry ignored my odd request, but I could tell that Zayn immediately knew what I was asking of him. He took a step away from me and Harry.

“Look, she’s shaking. You’re frightening her, I think maybe you lay off.” Harry said again, taking the chance to step in front of me. Zayn peered around him and looked at me. I watched the anger dissipate and suddenly he looked at me sadly.

“I-I’m… shit, I’m sorry.” He whispered. Harry moved out of the way, seeing that Zayn wasn’t mad.

“I just, I wasn’t thinking. I won’t hurt you, I’m so sorry, Darlin’.” For the second time in 24 hours, Zayn was mad at himself for scaring me. He was literally doing the same thing as before.

“I’m not afraid of you.” I told him again, for what felt like the umpteenth time. He looked at me for a second before glancing over at Harry.

“I won’t hurt you.” He repeated.

“I know. I just sometimes forget how much you love me and how good you are to me.” And that he’s lost his anger before, and he’s put me on bed-rest because I let another guy walk me home. But I kept that to myself.

Zayn opened his arms, giving me the choice to hug him or not.

Of course I stepped into his embrace.

His embrace was my safety, my home, my heart. He was my everything.

“Don’t ever forget that no matter how angry I get, I’ll never be like I was. I will never hurt you. I love you. I will protect you from everything and everyone, including myself. Please don’t be afraid.”

“How can I be afraid of you when you’re hardly even scary?” I tried to lighten the mood and joke around. I had tried it before and it hadn’t worked, but it did that time. I felt his chest shake with his chuckle and pulled back so my lips could find his.

“Ugh, gross.” Harry grunted. Zayn smiled against my lips and started to lead me inside. And then lead me upstairs. And that led to round 2 of what had transpired earlier.

“Darlin’, what are you still doing in bed? The wedding planner is going to be here in 20 minutes and you know she won’t be kept waiting.” He teased climbing into bed next to me. I groaned and turned over so that I collapsed on top of him.

“I know you’re tired, but you need to get up,” he whispered, pressing a soft kiss to my forehead.

“You’re the one who wants this damn wedding, why don’t you have to deal with her?” I accused in my sleepy state.


“I’m a bloke and if you don’t get down there I know she’ll hurt you.” He laughed loudly. I snuggled into him even more.

“But you’ll protect me from everything and everyone, right?” I reminded him.

It had been a few weeks since my homecoming and Zayn and I had gone at it like dogs. Literally. I was just so sore and exhausted that I couldn’t get out of bed.

But things were good. I called my mom every day. My family was stoked (even David) that we were getting married and they were planning on flying over the Atlantic Ocean to visit us for a week so that they could enjoy our day with us. Zayn and I only argued a little bit, and I hadn’t used the safe word at all.

“And I will,” he said seriously, “from everyone except for her. She scares me.” He pretended to shudder. I groaned again and climbed out of bed reluctantly. I didn’t bother changing out of my pajamas or put on makeup.

“Why the hell do you look like that?” I couldn’t even walk around my damn, albeit humongous, house without being judged.

“And why the hell are you here at 10 am?” I snarled back. Seriously, who wants to plan a whole fucking wedding that early in the morning?

“Come on, perk up. We’ve got a lot of work to do.” Eleanor scolded. I sat down across from her, grumbling about picking my maid of honor and my wedding planner to be the only person in London who can boss me and THE Zayn Malik around.

“What kind of wedding dress were you thinking?” She drilled.

“Erm, a white one?” I didn’t know how to answer. I had wanted a courthouse wedding so we could get it done and over with and just be married already, but Zayn insisted that I have no regrets and do things the right way.

“Are you dumb or just masculine?” She insulted me, “but lucky for you, I expected this, so I’ve come prepared.” She whipped out a bridal catalog and got started.