Monsters Inside Him (Completed)

Chapter 59: Second Guessing

Chapter 59: Second Guessing

I was freaking out.

Like seriously freaking out.

My chest was tight. My head was pounding. My heart was going a thousand miles a minute. My fingers were trembling. My limbs were shaking. My whole being was quaking in fear.

There was no way in hell that I could do it.

No fucking way.

Everyone was out there, waiting for me. My Mom, Cassie and Eleanor (my bridesmaids) were probably trying to find me. My brother was probably trying to get my ring-bearer and flower girl, Josh and Kristen, ready to start walking as soon as I give the ok. My Dad was probably pacing nervously, unwilling to give his daughter away at such a young age and to someone he barely knows yet excited to share this experience with me.

And then all of those people waiting in the venue. Waiting for me. Waiting for the dress. Waiting for the wedding.

As per my request, Zayn didn’t invite his gang besides his four groomsmen (guess who). There was the exception of the few members he hired as security detail, but they weren’t really guests. Then there was my family, like ALL of them. That includes grandparents, cousins, aunts, cousin-in-law once removed’s best friend brother. Yes, everyone. And my friends from high school.

Zayn graciously paid for a private jet to carry all of the guests from the states over for free. I felt bad he was spending so much money on that, but as he pointed out it barely put a dent in his bank account and once we’re married the money is shared, so…

Then there was Natasha and Miranda who miraculously agreed to come. And then Claire, who I sent out an invite to as a polite gesture and was more than thrilled when she affirmed her attendance. Of course, their families came, too.

And Zayn was even willing to invite his mom and sisters, although I knew he wouldn’t give them a second glance, but it was a nice thought.

Then there was a bunch of people who I didn’t even know. Zayn promised all of the people were NOT gang members, but I didn’t know how honest he was being about that. He didn’t have friends outside of his illegal business world so I was just determined to steer clear of anyone I didn’t know.

“Hannah?” Eleanor’s voice called to me from the other side of the dressing room door. I didn’t respond to her and instead moved further away from the door.

It wasn’t that I was second guessing Zayn.

No, that wasn’t it at all.

I loved Zayn and he loved me, even in our own sick twisted way. I knew that for an outsider to look in, we were fucked up beyond belief, but that’s just the way things were. Gang life in London was rough, so marrying one of its leaders would get me exactly what was expected.

But maybe Zayn and I shouldn’t get married.

Maybe we weren’t ready.

I rubbed my hands over my stomach in an attempt to calm myself down. Zayn and I could barely take care of each other, how were we supposed to get married and raise a kid?

Shit, shit, shit.

“Hannah?” It wasn’t Eleanor that time, it was David. “Come on, Hannah banana! I bet you look gorgeous!” He was trying to persuade me to come out. Even if he wasn’t 100% ok with the wedding and who I was marrying, David was trying his best to accept that Zayn was what made me happy.

After a few minutes of David trying, he gave up and brought in the big guns: My Mother.

“Honey? Honey, I know that you’re in there and I know you’re scared but trust me, it’ll be alright!” I pressed the palms of my hands just below my eyes, so that I wouldn’t smudge the makeup Eleanor had spent hours on, but I could at least prevent the flow of tears.

“I was scared when I married your father. It’s natural. Everything’s changing and you’re committing to someone else for the rest of your life. But it’s ok. It’ll all be ok. When you love someone enough, you don’t want anything else, believe me.” Even my mother’s desperate pleas couldn’t get me to snap out of it.

I sat down on the bench in my dressing room. As much as I wanted to crumple to the ground and hold myself, I was stuck in this £5,000 wedding dress that I couldn’t bear to get dirty.|

I didn’t want to spend all that money on a dress.

I didn’t want to hire the most expensive wedding band.

I didn’t want to have this whole big event.

I just wanted to get married in a courthouse with no one else around but me and Zayn. But Zayn insisted that I would regret it if I didn’t go all out so he forced me to have this wedding. And Eleanor planned everything, from the beautiful dress that I wore down to the intricate design on the menus.

“Listen to me Hannah. You and I both know that if I have to go get Zayn, he’s going to tear this place apart. Now think about what you’re doing.” Eleanor’s voice broke through the silence. I knew my family wasn’t around for her to speak so boldly.

Zayn and I made it very clear to everyone that anyone from the U.S- my friends, family, everyone- would NOT know about Zayn’s involvement with gangs and street violence.

“Can you go get him?” I called back weakly, speaking for the first time in a while.

“What? Hannah, think about what you’re doing!” Eleanor called back, desperate to get me out of the room and down the aisle without pissing off you-know-who.

“Please, just get him. I need him right now.” I didn’t think El heard me through the wood door, but not a moment later I hear her shuffling off grumbling things involving my name and curse words.

I didn’t care if he’d be angry. I didn’t care if he’d yell at me, or be upset. I just needed him with me.

ZAYN’S POV

“What the hell is going on?” I snapped at Harry, who was standing next to me at the altar. I didn’t feel uncomfortable being in front of all these people. They weren’t the reason I felt nervous. It was the fact that the wedding march hadn’t started yet and Hannah wasn’t here at the altar with me, even though the ceremony was supposed to begin twenty minutes.

Twenty fucking minutes late.

When I saw the door open, I straightened up, getting ready for the best moment of my life. But when the music didn’t start and instead Eleanor appeared, I prepared for the worst.

Hannah changed her mind.

She ran away.

She realized she could do better.

She fled with my unborn child.

The whole audience watched carefully as El made her way down the aisle gracefully but quickly. She ignored Harry as he tried to step in front of her to figure out what was going on and instead came right up to me and looked me dead in the eye.

“Hannah needs you.”

“What? El, what’s going on?” I demanded. All the nerves built up in my stomach and I felt like I was going to vomit. I was hoping and praying that Hannah wasn’t changing her mind.

“She won’t come out, Zayn. She locked herself in there and she won’t talk to anyone.”

“Why’d you come get me then? If you can’t help her, I doubt that I will.” I muttered angrily. I followed Eleanor back down the aisle, ignoring the curious stares. Why the hell did Hannah lock herself in? Was she really that reluctant to be my wife?

“Zayn, she asked for you specifically. She needs you.” Eleanor countered with a disapproving tone at the way I spoke to her. We made our way to the back dressing room, where Hannah supposedly locked herself in.

The entire wedding party (except for Harry, who was my best man and back up at the altar) was gathered around the door, cooing at Hannah to come out.

“We were going to break down the door, but we figured we’d wait for you.” Louis informed me seriously. I didn’t miss the odd look David sent to my mate, but I didn’t have time to address that.

“Excuse me,” I mumbled. The Olson family parted like the red sea and I was able to tap my knuckles against the wooden door.

“Darlin’, it’s me. Come on, we’re running late already!” I called to her. I strained my ears just enough to hear the soft padding of feet approach the door. The clicking of the lock signaled my success but I waited a moment to barge in so she had the chance to peek through a crack in the door.

Slowly, I pushed her back so I could come in, shutting and locking the door behind me so we were back in her personal isolation.

“Do you know it’s bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding.” I told her softly. She turned her back to me and walked over to the bench in the room, slowly sitting down.

To say that I was in awe is an understatement.

Hannah looked like the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Her small body was displayed through the white dress she wore that hugged her curves. Her hair was left natural (although I could hear El and Hannah fighting over it that morning) and her makeup was light, only highlighting her natural beauty.

The dress didn’t show off her barely there baby bump, luckily. We hadn’t gotten around to telling people yet.

But despite how she looked like she was literally glowing- my own personal angel- her face was distorted into a frown.

Not the angry frown I had seen too often, but one of actual fear.

“You better not be chickening out.” My words came out harsher than I had intended them to be, but Hannah didn’t look fazed. Not much could faze her any more. Especially not after everything she had been through.

“So what if I am? Huh? What are you going to do about it?” She snapped back. I was glad that she was still willing to put up a fight against me, that meant she wasn’t too scared, but I still felt a little pissed she spoke to me in that manner. I clenched my jaw tightly before speaking.

“I’ll drag you up the aisle if I have to.” She rolled her eyes, obviously calling my bluff. Nothing more was said between us for a minute or two. Eventually, I gave in and sat next to her. My arm snaked around her waist practically instinctively and I brought her as close to me as humanly possible (without foiling her expensive dress).

“What’s really going on?” I questioned her gently. Her eyes flickered up to mine and she shrugged casually.

“Nothing.”

“Then why am I back here and not up at the aisle saying my vows?” I pressed. Was she really having second thoughts? I thought we got through all that.

“Because…” She stopped for a second, not sure of what to say. Carefully, she brought her hands up to her cheek bones and pressed lightly, obviously trying to avoid the tears that would ruin her makeup. To be honest, I didn’t care whether or not she had puffy eyes and mascara rolling down her cheeks; she’d still look beautiful to me.

“Because I don’t like being in front of all those people. I-I can’t do it…” She whispered. I nestled her closer into me, not really caring if I wrinkled her dress.

“You don’t want to marry me?” I clarified, even though I knew that wasn’t what she was saying. I just needed confirmation. I needed to hear it from her own lips.

“No!” She gasped, pulling away from me so that instead of being cuddled up to me, she was turned facing me. Hey eyes were wide and her face flushed.

“That’s not it at all! I-I love you so much, Zayn. How much do I have to tell you that?” Her tone turned angry at the end and she reached out and slapped me hard across the chest.

“What the hell was that for?” I snapped, moving my arm from around her waist so that my hand could rub the attacked spot. She rolled her eyes at me and turned her face to look away from me.

“Because you’re still stupid enough to think that I’m not madly in love with you. Dumbfuck.” I laughed at her fiery attitude and surprised her by planting a kiss on her cheek. She squealed in shock and tried to pull away, but I just held her tighter so I could pepper her soft, pale skin with more kisses.

“You’re supposed to wait until after the wedding, bozo!” She scolded me.

“At this rate, it looks like we’re not going to have a wedding.” I reminded her. Her blue eyes shifted away from me in guilt before she stood back up.

“Nope, let’s do this. We’re getting married. Come on, let’s go.” She clapped her hands together to get me motivated. I forced myself off the bench so I could get closer to her. My hands gripped the glistening fabric of her bridal skirt so I could tug her closer. I always needed her to be touching me, near me, hearing me.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to push you into anything that you don’t want.” I double checked with her. Part of me wanted to call off the whole wedding and rip off that dress and fuck her on the floor, but I restrained myself and decided to let her make the call.

“Yeah. I’m sure. I’m 100% sure. Now that you’re here, I remember why I’m doing all of this. I want nothing less than to declare my love for you in front of all of those people.” She decided. It was hot that she was so confident and determined, but part of me was disappointed that the sex would have to wait.

Hey, what can I say? Have you seen her?

“Ok, then I better get a move on. I’ll see you at the altar.” I winked at her. She nodded at me, but I could tell she was still nervous.

“Darlin’, listen to me.” I made her look me in the eye, so I could convey how serious I was about everything. “It’ll just be you and me up there, do you hear me? Just you and me and little Zayn.” I rested my hands on her stomach, over the child- my child- that she was carrying.

“It could be a girl.” She smiled at me, placing her hands over my larger ones.

“I love you.” I reminded her.

“Save it for the altar, lover boy.” She smirked before she started pushing me out. I barely got a kiss good-bye before I was shoved out of the room and Eleanor was yanked in. The entire wedding party and the Olson family stared at me, waiting for an answer.

“Wedding’s back on! I gotta get down there.” I rushed out before I raced back to the venue and made my way slowly down the aisle. I pulled Harry with me, who had been flirting with some of Hannah’s old school friends. I knew she’d be furious if she saw him doing that. Harry raised his eyebrows at me questioningly but I just shook my head.

“It’s back on,” I whispered to him. He gave me the thumbs up just as we took our spots at the altar.

The doors opened and Cassie made her way down the aisle with Liam on her arm. I watched as she smiled at her boyfriend, David, who was sat in the first row before she went to stand on the bride’s side of the altar and Liam came to stand next to Harry.

Next to walk down the aisle was Hannah’s mother, Barb, and Niall. The two walked arm in arm before Niall kissed her on the cheek and the two took their places on either side of the aisle. Eleanor, the maid of honor, and Louis were next. Both looked extremely happy, whether it was for walking next to each other or for their happiness at our wedding.

The last pair to walk were Hannah’s little siblings, Josh and Kristen. They walked down, refusing to touch each other. They were incredibly focused on their tasks. Josh’s eyes never left the rings he held and Kristen was working hard to keep up a rhythmic pattern to tossing petals.

And then the music changed. The entire audience stood in their chairs and I prepared myself.

Slowly, Hannah and her Dad walked down the aisle. I thought that since I had already seen Hannah in her wedding dress that it would take away some of the awe in seeing her again, but let me tell you that wasn’t the case at all.

I could hardly tear my eyes away from her glowing figure. She walked towards me with a large smile, her eyes bright and her cheeks rosy. All signs of nervousness from earlier were gone and I could tell she was ready for this. We both were.