Monsters Inside Him (Completed)

Chapter 51: Back For You

Chapter 51: Back for you

“So what is it that you do for a living, Zayn?”

We were sat in my living room. My Mom and David sitting on the couch with Frankie and Kristen in their laps. My Dad was also supposed to be sitting on the couch, but he kept standing up, not able to control his nervousness.

“Can I get you a drink?”

A minute later.

“Are you hungry?”

A minute later.

“Do you want me to turn the air-conditioner on?”

He was so nervous to be around the guy who captured his daughter’s heart and then broke it. Each time Zayn politely declined. I had never heard him use such formalities before, but then I realized: Zayn was just as nervous about meeting my family as they were about meeting him.

My Mom sat there with a stupid grin across her face. The more she took in Zayn, the more she seemed to love him. Every time he opened his mouth and that smooth, yet gravelly voice of his came out, she seemed to be drawn in.

My brother, on the other hand, seemed to hate him more and more by the second. David’s eyes were permanently narrowed at Zayn, his mouth set in a frown and his whole expression screaming untrusting.

And Zayn could pick up on it.

Zayn was sitting in the recliner across from my family. Everyone tried to get me to sit on the other chair in the room, but I refused to let go of Zayn, so, much to Zayn’s embarrassment and my family’s discomfort, I sat on his lap.

My legs straddled his waist and my chest was pressed against his. His arms were wrapped around my torso and his hands rubbed my back gently. My cheek was against his shoulder, his chin on the top of my head.

We fit together like a lock and key.

And I didn’t think I’d ever be able to part from him again, not even for a second.

My family, well, my parents, made small chat with Zayn politely, but everyone avoided the giant elephant in the room: how Zayn left me and how it fucked me up.

I knew David wanted to say something. I knew he didn’t like Zayn, not for a moment. I knew he could see through the polite act. I knew he knew something was off about Zayn. But for some reason, he didn’t say anything. He kept his mouth shut.

Luckily, after Zayn was invited in, David texted my intended date for tonight, unknowingly avoiding a catastrophe. I could just imagine Zayn beating Rick to death on my front stoop in front of my family.

Some first impression.

At about eleven, everyone moved upstairs to go to bed. My Mom showed Zayn the guest room, but that was only for show. She knew he’d end up in my bed, so she made no fuss when Zayn politely declined and instead followed me to my room.

My lips were on his the second the door shut.

His hands grabbed my hips and brought me closer. My fingers gripped his hair. Our mouths moved perfectly in sync, as if we didn’t go two months without interaction.

He tried to hold me close to him, while I literally forced him on my bed. He moaned into my lips and flipped us around so he was on top.

His favorite position.

“Darlin’. I missed you so much.” He whispered, breaking our lips apart.

“Don’t.” I held my hand up. I didn’t want his apology. I didn’t want an explanation. All I needed was him there, and for him to never make me leave again.

“But I-”

“Please, just stop.” I begged him. He stared at me for a moment. His hazel eyes held mine and I watched as he thought over something carefully. Eventually, he gave in by nodding at me.

“I won’t let you leave again. Darlin’. Will you come back to London with me? Do I have your forgiveness so you can be my girl?” He asked me eagerly. All of his words jumbled together with his nervousness. I could feel his palms getting sweaty.

“Mmhmm. I could never say no to you.” I whispered back with a smile. He leaned down and kissed me, a smile on his lips as well. He pulled away, but the smile was gone. A look of seriousness cast over his beautiful features.

“Darlin’, we do need to talk. You can’t avoid it.” He tried to sit me up, but I wasn’t cooperating. I pressed myself against the bed and tried to bring him back down with me.

“Yes I can.” He chuckled darkly and gently tugged me up in his lap.

“No, we’re going to talk now.” He decided. I easily recognized that tone of voice; there was no arguing with him now. He’s made up his mind and he wouldn’t budge.

“Fine.” I grumbled. My hands snaked up to his chest and gripped his shirt tightly in my fists.

“I just want you to know that I wanted you to leave for your own good. I thought I was doing what was best for you. Not for a second did I stop loving you. Not for a second were you not on my mind.” He started. His fingers came up to gently brush against my cheek. His fingers caught a strand of my hair and he started to twirl it.

“I love you so much.” I whispered, leaning my head into him. He let me bury my face in the crook of his neck, allowing me to take in his scent.

“I know, Darlin’. And even though you left me, I never left you. I followed you to the U.S and watched you. I left the guys in charge and took the last two months off just so I could make sure you were safe. But you see, I wasn’t strong enough. I couldn’t let you move on. I couldn’t bear it. So I caved, and here I am.”

I didn’t know I had begun to cry until I felt his soaked t-shirt cling to my face. I pulled away to inspect his clothing, when it dawned on me that it was my tears making him wet.

“And I know you’ve been dating, and I literally had to have my men hold me back because I was so close to killing a couple of them. I realize that it sounds psychotic to anyone else, but you know that I’m so head over heels for you and I just don’t know how to show it.”

I tried to crane his neck down so his lips could connect with mine, but he forcefully pulled away. A wave of rejection hit me hard. I downcast my eyes so that he couldn’t see the hurt in them, but I was stupid to think Zayn wouldn’t notice.

“No no no. Darlin’, I want to kiss you but I know that if I do, I’ll get distracted and I won’t say what I want to.” His fingers curled around my chin and tugged my face up so I was forced to look at him.

“Because I fucked up. I fucked up so bad. I fucked up by letting the only thing that matters to me, the only person I’ve ever loved, the only person whose ever loved me, just walk out the fucking door. I can’t believe I just fucking let you slip through my fingers.”

I shook my head, prepared to argue with him. He was being too hard on himself. He thought he was doing what was best. But Zayn didn’t even let me open my mouth before he started up again.

“And I know that you didn’t take it well. I saw you cry more times than I care to count. I watched as your family tried to bring their Hannah back, but you shelled yourself away. Your parents probably think I’m just some asshole that mistreated and dumped you, and I guess that they’re right, but-”

“Stop. I love you. I forgive you. Now kiss me, dammit.” I interrupted him. Zayn’s eyes met mine and then our lips crashed together. He pressed me against the mattress and let his body take over.

I finally felt the touch I missed so much, the touch I craved for so long, the touch that kept me going through the roughest times.

His hands felt me up hungrily. His fingers trailed up my sides, over my breasts onto my neck, down my stomach, over my crotch, gripped my legs and wrapped them around his waist. It was like he didn’t know where to start. Like he wanted to touch every part of me at the same time. Like he didn’t know if I’d be there for that much longer.

But I wasn’t going anywhere.

I clutched the fabric on his back and eagerly tugged it up. Zayn got my not-so-subtle hint and quickly let go of me to pull his shirt up over his head before his fingers came back down to my body.

I reveled in the feeling of his bare chest pressing against me. I could feel his muscles tense as he held me tightly.

His abs. His biceps. His pecs. His shoulder muscles. There was so much about him that could protect me. Zayn’s the strongest person I know. His muscles encased me in a cage of his human flesh and I never felt so safe before.

His hips grinded into mine and I let out a moan into his mouth. I could feel him smirk against my lips as his fingers dug into my skin. The next thing that happened was me losing my shirt. His fingers traveled up and fiddled with my bra strap playfully.

I wanted him to take it off so badly, but he was being good. I could tell that he was holding back significantly and I didn’t know why. I wanted him to just throw me on my bed, strip my clothes off and fuck me so hard that I would never dream of going out with another man again.

“No, Darlin’.” Zayn’s hand gripped my wrist tightly as my fingers went for the clasp on his black jeans. I looked up at him pleadingly but he shook his head.

“No. Not now.” He said again, but slower. I could hear the stubbornness and decision in his voice, but I wanted him in me so badly.

Fucking hell.

“Zayn, please. I can’t. I want you so bad. I missed you so much.” I whimpered. I sounded whiny and child-like, but I don’t think he understood how bad I wanted him to fuck me.

I had sex only a few times in my life, and the majority of them had not been with Zayn. The majority were no consensual. In fact, almost all of it was rape.

And I needed to forget that. I needed to forget him leaving me. I need to forget the months I spent in pain and misery. I needed him to make me forget it all.

But for some reason, he didn’t want to.

“Why won’t you touch me? Why won’t you… fuck me?” I asked him. I didn’t mean to sound so broken and lost, but I couldn’t help it.

He looked down at me sadly.

“I want to so badly, Darlin’, but your parents are in the other room. They already hate me, I don’t want them to catch us going at it like rabbits.” He chuckled deeply. I sighed because I knew he was right, but that didn’t mean I didn’t want to have sex.

Because I still did.

But my walls were paper thin.

“How about we just cuddle instead?” He compromised, pulling me against his chest even tighter than before. I wrapped my arms around his neck and left a kiss to his shoulder.

“You hate cuddling.” I reminded him.

I remembered back to all those times where I just wanted him to hold me, but he was too impatient and couldn’t figure out why he should waste his time sitting around just holding me.

“I can’t hate anything if it’s with you.” He whispered. We settled under the covers of my bed, both of our torsos bare, except for my bra. Soon, he kicked off his pants to get more comfortable and helped me out of my own jeans.

In just our underwear, we held each other tightly. He cradled me to his chest and whispered sweet nothings in my ear.

And it was there that I was able to fall asleep for the first time without having nightmares.

It was like scary gangster Zayn was able to scare away everything bad from me, even in my unconsciousness.

“Darlin’.” I smiled when I awoke to the sound of Zayn’s gentle but husky morning voice.

“Darlin’, I know you’re awake.” He spoke again. I let my eyes flutter open slowly and take in my surroundings. Hovering over me was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen. A shirtless Zayn was smiling down at me with a halo of light surrounding his gorgeous body.

“Good morning.” I mumbled quietly.

“I’m glad you’re awake. Your Mum made breakfast, but I don’t want to go alone. So get up.” He grinned at me playfully as he pulled away. I sat up quickly, pouting at the loss of his presence in my bed.

My eyes travelled over to where he was slipping on his clothes from last night and I lay back down in bed.

“Hey, get up. I’m starved.” Zayn came back over to nudge me gently. He narrowed his eyes at me, as if he were mad, but I could tell he was only fooling around.

“I’m not hungry.” I sighed, getting comfortable under my duvet. He scoffed as if he couldn’t believe it and started to tug at my ankles.

“Zayn!” I squealed. When the warmth of my blanket disappeared. Slowly, I was pulled off the bed, but instead of falling on the ground, Zayn caught me in his arms. He held me to his chest and stared down at me intensely.

“Will you go to breakfast with me?”

“No.”

“Will you go to breakfast with me, as my girlfriend?” He added in as an afterthought, thinking it’d change my mind. I shook my head playfully, making him scrunch up his eyebrows in deliberation.

“Will you go to breakfast with me, as my fiancée?” I was about to shake my head again, but then the words actually registered in my head. It took me a minute to find the words to speak.

“What?” He let out a sigh and carefully sat me down on my bed.

“Ok, I know that we just got back together, literally last night. I know we’ve only been together for a year and for most of that year you were with me unwillingly. I know that I should be begging your forgiveness and trying to make everything up to you. I know all of that. But I just want you to be mine. I want you to wear a ring and show it off to your friends. I want there to be a legal document stating that you belong to me. I want you to be my wife. I want you to marry me.”

I could practically see his body trembling before me. He was so nervous. My words got stuck in my throat and I couldn’t even think of the words to say.

Like, it literally came out of nowhere.

24 hours ago, I was trying to accept the fact that I’d never see the love of my life again, but here he was, proposing to me.

“So, Darlin’. Will you marry me?”