[🌸] Admit It | Riren/Ereri AU

06 | you've looked worse

Unedited
* * *

Can my insomnia get any worse?

I've been staying out more often than I should. Staying out of his way has really messed up the little sleeping pattern I had, not that I had much of a real schedule. I avoid Eren whenever I can, making sure I left before he wakes up and sneaking in after midnight when I know that he's asleep. I just can't pull myself to face him again, not after his outburst.

I admit that I may have pushed him too hard, it wasn't my place to be demanding such answers, but I feel like I deserve an explanation.

I feel guilty and all, I've never seen him react that way, not since we were kids. He's never cried in front of anyone before, at least, I don't think he has. I was usually the one to comfort him, but those days are gone, as if they had never happened.

I've never put so much thought into Eren's feelings. I've always assumed he was just an over-confident jerk, but after seeing him cry I realized that I'm the one who has been the jerk. But that doesn't change anything. He is still the one who left me alone, made me go through the hell of school by myself with nobody to talk to. If it wasn't for Farlan, I wouldn't have had any friends at all.

Then again, I've never seen him have any true friends either. Yeah, he's had people to hang out with, but none that have truly been there. No matter how many people talked to him during class, I always saw him walk home alone. He may appear all tough and bold, but, in reality, he's a loner.

I guess that's something we have in common. When I really think of it, Eren and I are not entirely different. If that's the case, why can't we be friends again? Why can't we get along like we used to? Like when we were kids, happy and playful with nothing to worry about? Why did Eren have to change?

Or maybe, I'm the one who's changed.

* * *

It's another day at Sina, and I'm still laying in bed. I've been lying here for hours, just staring at the ceiling with no real thoughts on my mind. It's been week since I last had a decent amount of sleep. It's also been a week since I had last spoken to Eren.

His file was safely returned the morning after. I didn't want to see that stupid folder ever again, and I made sure Hanji had returned it the day after the confrontation. She apologized for a reason I didn't understand, she didn't do anything wrong (maybe expect for taking the file and breaking the school's guidelines).

I sigh heavily before rolling to my side. I stare at Eren's back. I've managed to memorize the curves he had, for they dip in like a feminine hourglass. That's actually something I never noticed before. His thighs were also feminine-like, thick and-

Levi! What are you thinking?!

Am I really thinking Eren looks... attractive? No, I'm just tired. I'm not thinking straight.

I shake my head, slapping myself in the face. I need to get out of this room. Yeah, maybe the library might be a good place to go, after all it is open twenty-four hours.

I creep out of bed and slide into the bathroom to do my business. The good thing about this new routine I've picked up is that I have my privacy in the mornings. No bathroom massacre, thank God.

I finish my long routine before changing into a new set of casual clothes. With the weather changing, I had no choice but to wear long sleeves.

I didn't really have anything that wasn't a turtleneck since i was out of fresh clothes. So until I find a decent laundromat that isn't going to cost more than my medical insurance, I am cursed to look like I have some sort of disease because these turtlenecks itch like hell.