[🌸] Admit It | Riren/Ereri AU

13 | don't regret it

Unedited
* * *

Why am i feeling this way?

As winter grows colder, and Eren and i are growing closer than before, i can't help but think about that day; the day i felt Eren's music unravel the hidden truths of my feelings that have been lost for so long. I don't know why i feel this way, I've never felt those little flutters of happiness with anyone, but for some reason, now, i do.

Whenever i see Eren, my eyes brighten up, and i feel like i'm lost again, but not lost in the sense of direction, i'm lost with emotion. Parts of me want to yank him down to my level and show him how i feel, and the other just wants to curl into a ball and let the feelings take over with excessive squeals and unnecessary fantasizing.

Maybe i'm just crazy. This isn't some teenage romance story between a nerd and a bad boy, no, this far from it. We aren't part of some fanfiction story where dreams and romances are just meant to be. We aren't part of any story. I'm just a confused man that's too afraid to admit that he is in love with a bratty guy that's over emotional and great at playing piano. I mean, I think I am.

I think i love him, but i can never admit to it.

I don't know, maybe i'm just going through some weird phase, like some teenage girl on her period. I'll be crazy for Eren one day, then the next i'll completely hate him. This feelings is only going to last for a moment, and then it will fade, just like those memories.

Memories. They felt so real that day. I don't know why, but i felt like i had been reliving them. Maybe reliving them served as some kind of purpose, a purpose I'm too blind to see at this moment. What i do realize now is that Eren had always been there, he had always part of my life, whether he was the one living the moment or it was I.

And that song.

Ah, don't cry there is no need
i will help you smile
stop crying, my sweet baby

Why had i forgotten these words? They were what kept Eren going, even long after i stopped singing them to him. Why though? Why was Eren the one holding on to these words? To these memories?

He had hope, and he still does. Hope of us one day becoming friends again. Eren was growing up before my very eyes, moving on from those childhood memories, but never forgetting them, while i was the one that forced them away; and these feelings that i feel towards them, they too had been forced away.

I don't want to keep them away any longer.

* * *

It is mid afternoon on a Saturday, just a week before finals were over, so Farlan didn't have any classes, neither did I. With the holidays approaching Sina had their semester finals just a week before Christmas, and these finals were stressing everyone out, so when Farlan answered the door with a tired, irritated tone i didn't feel upset.

"What?" Farlan spits coldly with drooped, baggy eyes.

"I need to talk to you," i say in a lower voice, as if what i am saying was secretive.

Farlan bangs his head against the door frame and groans. I raise a brow before adding the offer of free food, and Farlan's eyes instantly spark with interest. He tells me to wait a moment for him to change out of his sweats into a decent pair of pants and long-sleeved coat.

I wait outside his door, my neck lightly snugged by a dark colored scarf. It was colder now, but the first snow had yet to fall. Class was almost canceled once this week when the temperature was below freezing. It was obligated by law that any and all classes should be dismissed if weather conditions were too harsh, but assignments were not excused.