Regrets

All Of My Life

1976.

Alexandra knocked on the door that connected the two hotel rooms together. She glanced back at her brother, who waited just as patiently as she did to see what would happen next. Just as she was about to knock on the door again, it swung open slowly, exposing a slightly disheveled Barney Ross. He looked tired and even a bit overwhelmed. He was wearing a pair of denim jeans and a white cotton wife beater, exposing his tattoo covered upper arms; she couldn't help but stare at his arms for a second, curious of their markings.

"Hey," Barney breathed out.

"Hey," Alexandra repeated, "Can I talk to you for a sec?"

"Uh, sure. I guess so. Come on in." Alexandra gave a grateful nod at his answered and entered the opposite room. Barney looked at her brother, who gave a look of warning that said: You try anything she don't want you doing, and I swear to God that I'll kill you. Barney nodded in understanding and shut the door slowly, gently and quietly.

-/-/-

What the hell does she wanna talk about? Barney thought, his confusion obvious in his facial expression.

Barney had found Alexandra intriguing since their very first encounter. He didn't know what it was- maybe the fact that her eyes were purple. Maybe it was her appearance in general. Maybe it was that she was extremely different than most women. He could never tell why, but she intrigued him. It wasn't the same way he'd been intrigued and attracted to Elizabeth, that was for sure. No, that was different than this. He didn't know what it was, but he just tried to ignore it as best as he could.

But now they were in a bedroom alone. He'd be a liar if he said it didn't make him a bit tense.

"So what's up?" Barney asked a bit uneasily.

Alexandra hugged herself gently. "I thought I heard a door slam from in here," she answered with a nonchalant shrug, "Thought I should see if everythin' was alright."

He let out a humorless laugh. "Oh yeah. Life is just so damn peachy."

"I'm really not in the mood for that kind of sarcasm and attitude right now, Ross."

"Well, excuse me for not bein' so happy right now."

She nodded slowly. "I can relate. Spill it."

His head snapped in her direction. "What?"

"You heard me right. Spill it."

Barney was hesitant. He didn't know what he was supposed to say in response to her command. The only women who ever told him what to do was his mother and his sister, and every so often an aunt or grandmother. Along with this, he didn't want to unload all his thoughts on her, cause that meant putting a lot of trust into the other person. He wasn't sure if he was ready and willing to have that much trust in another person that wasn't himself just yet; he wasn't even sure if he trusted himself that much yet.

-/-/-

Alexandra felt uneasy being alone in a room with Barney. It wasn't the kind of uneasiness that came with fear, but rather the kind that one felt when slightly uncomfortable when being around a person they were attracted to. She hadn't even known him that long yet, and here she was attracted to him and trying to make him spill his guts out to her about why the hell he was so damn happy at the moment.

It made her think of what Tool had made her do just two mornings previous to the present time.

Alexandra seemed to do things like that a lot. She'd only been doing it since the third month of her pregnancy, but that was years ago. But for some reason, she'd somehow kept all the traits a mother would have that she personally gained during her first and only pregnancy. She could never figure out why those things were still there, but she decided to just go with it all. They'd shown through every so often, and this was one of the times that they showed to those around her. They were almost like what Tool had done and showed the previous time in the bathroom.