without you.

Week 1

Hey baby, me again. So it's been a week since you were gone. I know it's ridiculous to consider this a mile stone and you can smack me in the head for being dumb later, but I hope you understand that this is very hard for me.
Baby I know I should be strong but it's so hard when you're not here to remind me. I miss you like crazy princess. I want to hold you again. Do you remember when we went to prom together? And the whole senior class sent out lanterns and the photography class took that picture of us? I remember. Well they sent me the picture. They apologized for my loss which I guess I appreciated and they offered to give me the original picture. It's hanging on the mirror in the bathroom next to the photo booth pictures we have. You're so beautiful baby I can't believe how lucky I was to have you. Even if it wasn't for as long as I had anticipated, I guess this is what till death means isn't it? I'll be ok, that's what you would tell me at least. I keep trying to think of what you would say to make me feel better, but it just works so much better when you do it. I love you so much baby, I hope you're safe and happy wherever you are out there. I hope you're playing just dance and tripping on your own feet. I hope you're wearing that prom dress I bought you and reminiscing those perfect days together. I'm sorry I took advantage of our time together. I wish I had a chance to say everything I want to say to you but until then I hope you can read this. You're beyond perfection. I know you never believed it but I wouldn't say it if it wasn't true. I can still see the way your lips curl up at the ends and the way your perfect blue eyes squint in the corners. I can imagine your brown hair flowing in the summer breeze and the smell of your shampoo is still on my pillow case.
It smells like you.
I think it helps me sleep at night.
Being able to imagine you laying with me.
I think it's all that keeps me moving forward is knowing that you would want me to. But if I'm being totally honest, it's very painful to wake up alone and seeing our friends when I'm alone. It's still hard to get up, get dressed, living with this regret.

But I know. If I could do it over I would say everything I was holding back. Let you know just the lengths of my love and admiration for you. I cry occasionally. And by occasionally I mean at least once a day. I'm not afraid to cry, you showed me it's not bad to cry. I remember you used to call me a coward cause I was afraid to cry in front of you. Well. I'm not anymore. I love you beautiful I'm looking forward to the day we will be reunited.

Love forever, Blake.