without you.

Week 2

Hey baby, sorry to write so much to you. I know you would want me to work on moving forward but I'm not sure how. I miss you, a lot. I don't want anyone else baby no matter how much you want me to move on I won't. That's one wish I can't grant for you and it's not just because I don't want to, I can't. Baby I can't look at anyone else like I looked at you. My mom is worried about me, she says I don't talk as much as I used to but that's only because I have nothing to talk about. You're gone. You are the only thing I've ever been good at talking about and what am I supposed to say you're doing? Baby I'm really confused. I don't know what to do. I started going to therapy because my heart just aches for you and it's driving me nuts. I can't stop this feeling inside me that is telling me not to let you go not to move on. I don't know why. I haven't changed my back ground pictures in my phone. I don't think I will. I like to reminisce, I like to see your face, when we were happy. When you were here. I will love you forever just like I promised. There's not a second I don't think of you baby I think of what you could be doing. Save me a good seat up in heaven baby I'll see you when I get there. I set up one of those burn candle things, the things you used when you were here and don't laugh- I burned my entire arm with the hot wax. It looked like it needed to be changed so I picked it up. Yeah I know it sounds stupid but I never told you I was smart. I'm going to dinner with my brother tonight. He said he just wants to talk and check up on me. I'm ok baby I promise, I miss you a lot but I'm alright. I'll be fine. I wish you could talk back to me.  I love you princess, I hope you're happy wherever you are. I hope you're looking down on me smiling. I hope you understand that I'm trying baby I am. I went back to work last week, they gave me time off. I think working helps take my mind off it temporarily. You're the best thing that ever happened to me, and I don't want to hear stuff like you used to say from someone else. I can't try and look at another like that. I hope you understand, Alex. My mom asked about you by the way, she asked if I have been to your grave. I always wondered why she still used your full name even though everyone else calls you Alex. I guess she just likes the name Alexandria. I'm not sure. But I have been to your grave, just to make sure everything is ok. But to me you're not there, I can't connect with letters in a stone. Baby you're everywhere but there. You're with me always. I don't need to go there to feel you, I can feel you everywhere. I will write soon, I have to go meet Anthony soon.

Love forever, Blake.