Why Now (Juuzou x reader)

I'm sorry

You were walking down a cloudy hallway in the 11th ward to an old cemetery were your parents lay side by side you drop to your knees in front of their graves and place roses in the middle of them

You: it's not my fault

Juuzou came next to you with his usual smile

Juuzou: Y/ n wake up

You shoot your eyes open to be greeted with Shinohara and Akira next to you with happy faces you lean up and smile at them

You: hey

Akira: hey sweetie you had quite a dream

You remember the cemetery and your parents

You: Mr. Shinohara can you drive me to the cemetery in the 11th ward?

Shinohara: I'm sure what for

You: my parents are there I had a dream about them

He nodded and you climb out of bed and see Juuzou in a chair next to you

Akira: you've been asleep for three days Juuzou never left your side

You smile and place a kiss on his forehead before walking out

Time Skip

Shinohara: you want me to go with you?

You: no that's okay

You walk in the cemetery and find your parents grave you sit on your knees in the middle of their gravestones and sigh

You: I guess you're pretty disappointed huh?

You watch as the cherry blossoms blow in the wind

You: I'm not the little girl you wanted me to be

You clench your fists furrowing your eyebrows

You: I'm sorry I'm not what you wanted me to be and now your gone and I can't change that​

You put a hand on your cheek and sigh

You:  but you didn't have to torture​ me till I couldn't feel pain ya know I know you were angry but it didn't have to happen you were just being dramatic

Your fingernails were probably in your hand by​ how tight your fists were as you look at the names on the gravestones

You: I have lost the will to change for you I just want to say it's your fault that your dead but just for the heck of it I'll apologize for being such a pain

You:

I'm sorry mom and dad
I know I messed up bad
I should've
should've done
should've done better
I'm sorry mom and dad
for all the times I had
to get my life
to get my life
together
but I didn't
( Birth year) you gave birth to me
sweet little baby girl had the world
at my feet
before I could even stand
cradle me in your right and your left hand
a precious bundle of unmade plans
hopes and dreams of bigger things
a bright future
so it seemed
but the light grew a little less bright
as I grew up
and we began to fight
when I was 13
I was so damn mean
running away had nothing more to say
than I hate you
but that's not true now
I just don't, I just don't
I just don't know how
to say
I'm sorry mom and dad
I know I messed up bad
I should've
should've done
should've done better
I'm sorry mom and dad
for all the times I had
to get my life
to get my life
together
but I didn't
You never talk about me to your friends
because you must be so embarrassed
I dropped out of college
without any plans
moved back home
I couldn't even pay rent
I was living on your couch
trying to figure it out
cutting myself up
and tearing myself down
I'm sorry mom and dad
I know I messed up bad
I should've
should've done
should've done better
I'm sorry mom and dad
for all the times I had
to get my life
to get my life
together
but I didn't
I'm sorry that I could buy you
that house upon the hill
or take care of all your medical bills
I know I didn't make you proud
I should have been someone by now
but I never figured out how
I'm sorry that I couldn't buy you
that house upon the hill
or take care of all your medical bills
I know I didn't make you proud
I should have been someone by now
but I never figured out how
I'm sorry mom and dad
I knew I messed up bad
I should've
should've done
should've done better
I'm sorry mom and dad
for all the time I had
to get my life
to get my life
together
but I didn't
I'm sorry mom and dad
I know I messed up bad
I should've
should've done
should've done better
I'm sorry mom and dad
for all the times I had
to get my life
to get my life
together
but I didn't
sincerely
your daughter

You look at your parents grave once more and sigh

You: I hope you're happy

Toka: you..... apologized

You turn your head and see your aunt with a bouquet of roses she walks next to you, you grab the roses and toss them in the middle of the gravestones

You: well now that that's over I'm going home

You get up and start walking away until she grabbed your wrist

Toka: I am so so sorry Y/n I never meant to-

You: I don't really care, you already did what you did you can't change anything, I don't really care that you did it anyway but it was nice playing with you... but if you like living I don't wanna see you again and if you wanna die that's ok with me too

You walk back to the car where Shinohara was waiting

Shinohara: feel better?

You: yes much better

You get in the car and he drives off

Shinohara: so are you gonna visit again?

You: no I said what I had to say I just have to leave it all behind now