Hello, everyone. I'm finally back after from prison after attempting to drink all the bleach in the cleaning aisle of walmart...so let's start off with the first fanfiction of the year...Hidden Magic (a magi fanfiction) by Reader_of_Anime, requested by @udontKnomEeee ___________________________ Welp, let's start off with the description...
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Oh We haven't even begun the actual stoty yet and there are already problems. First, using "ya" (TWICE) in your description, your ain't the postman from Majora's Mask, so don't use it if your story is supposed to be serious. Second, it's going to be a Harem. I don't have to say anything else, do I? More problems will become apparent as the story goes on. So let us begin with the first chapter!
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Ok, as much as I give inexperienced writers who use bases or whip up something from MS Paint in five minutes. At least they have the decency to (try and) be creative with their character's design. You could start off To Kill A Mockingbird and say that Scout looks like some random picture from a newspaper clipping, but that's one, lazy, and two, not going to help cement a good image of the characters in our brain! Also, I looked it up, Fanalis have RED eyes (and hair), not magenta. I've watched Blue's Clues, y'know, and even there those are shown to be different colors (and the picture appears more brown than magenta so there's that).
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Ok, so obviously things are going to go to sh*t reaaaal soon. The description gave it away, but you don't need to make it more obvious, Ani. Not to mention, you've already repeated a phrase THREE TIMES in the first few sentences (which shouldn't be sentences since they're too short), and yet again, RED EYES (and hair), not pink or a darker shade of pink, RED!
