Six Feet Under The Stars(Alex Gaskarth)

Confusing Moments

Chapter Eight

When the guys were into the chorus of 'Weightless', the final song, I had already shaken hands with the whole tech crew; Evan, Grieco, another Matt, Danny and Jeff, and I was sitting on a disused, overturned amp, talking to the guitarist of the supporting act whose name escapes me. He swigged from his water and made comments that I smiled at, his voice being drowned out often by the wails of over-excited teens in confined spaces. The tech crew was too busy to stop and chat; they were standing ready for any glitch that they can find, constantly adjusting lights and machinery covered in colorful buttons. All I wanted was for the concert to end because although the music was fascinating, certain people, I was tired too, the jet lag had settled in after more than twenty-four hours of being on American soil. Something told me that the guy I was with wouldn't have minded if I fell asleep on him either, though not for the same reasons. I heard Jack crying I love yous and Alex continuing one of the blow job jokes he had been making the whole night. I watched, through the gap in the side of the curtain, as a set of drumsticks hurtled through the air towards the crowd, and the small riot that started as multiple people try to claim them, then All Time Low push backstage.

"That was fantastic," I told them, standing up. I hugged Rian, who was covered in a light sheen of sweat and then leaned back in time to see Zack yell,

"GROUP HUUUUUG!"

At that point he, Jack and Alex dive bombed us. The force was enough to knock me off my feet. I tumbled into the group with Alex still gripping my waist tightly. I landed on a water bottle, which exploded, and Alex landed on top of me. I couldn't help but laugh, despite my soaking back and the outraged cries of a panicked tech team and I pulled myself up quickly.

"Ew," I muttered, turning to try and see my back. Alex was smirking.

"You're wet for me," he told me, giggling like a small child.

Matt came out to do a round of congratulations. He saw the soaking ends of my long hair and the stain on my back and looked bewildered.

"Wonderful ... When did you fall in a river?" He saw the spill on the ground, the bottle, and his eyes narrowed. "You lot. Get on the bus before anyone notices." He hissed at the four guys. "RUUN!"

Everyone felt an urge to laugh as we tumbled out the back way and onto the bus, everyone, except Jack, who didn't say a word the whole way back to the hotel. The others went over the gig in detail, recounting every moment, every flaw they found. I sat and listened. When we reached the hotel, the elation had worn off. It was three in the morning, and everyone was shattered. After being given rooms, me being the only one with my own, we departed with few words. I sat, in the center of a white bedspread, feeling guilty. I had upset Jack. That was all that went through my mind as I changed into pajama bottoms and a tee, pulled my hair into a messy bun and brushed my teeth. I decided I needed to talk to him, my sleepy brain tugged me out of my room. I shut the door, hearing a click and trudged barefoot towards Jack and Rian's door. The lights were all on, everything bright, warm and cheerful. I knocked, and Rian answered, wearing pajama trousers and nothing else, his hair still damps from showering.

"I was wondering when you'd show up." He sighed, and let me in.

"I need to talk to-"

"Me." Jack was sitting on the edge of one of the twin beds, his feet embedded in the thick cream carpet. He was wearing boxers and a tee and when he said that, he glared at me.

"Jack, I'm-"

"Why am I always second best?" He demanded and looked at me. I uncrossed my arms and walked to Rian's bed, curling up on it. "Always," Jack continued, his eyes hardening. "Always the middle child. All the fans want Alex, and I'm the afterthought. And now you. I'm just keeping you back from bigger things."

I ran both my hands through my hair. "On the bus. I don't know why. I like you, Jack. But Alex is just..." I shrug. "Ask me why when I'm more awake. I can't think." I felt tears burning behind my eyes. I wasn't going to cry. No matter how tired and confused I was, I wanted to stay in control of my tears.

"Des, I get Alex, I understand why you like him, I guess. But he's going to hurt you and that pisses me off. You're going to let him. He's going to be curious about you, then Lisa will come back and he's going to get bored of you and walk away and you're going to go home broken because you thought he was interested." Jack sounded exasperated and Rian sat down next to me.

"I hate this." I remarked, not really sure what 'this' was at the time. It was my feelings, the situation, and the bleak prospects I had just been presented with and the thought that I had a bed sitting waiting for me which I was not currently occupying.

"Destery, my dear, we're not called All Time Low for nothing." Rian smiled weakly, pulling me into a hug. I accepted.

"Whatever. I'll be the guy you first met, but you can't let yourself get lost in him. I like you. You like me. He's just better at getting people and you're confused. Remember I told you this, 'cause I can tell you're going to get off with him anyway. Just know that I'll be the one at the end, standing over to pick up the pieces. " Jack said.

I nodded.

"Right. Well, before anyone notices you're gone and thinks we're forcing you to tune our guitars, ahem, go sleep. You look like you're about to drop." Jack finished and my mouth curled into a smile.

"Thanks. Night." I mumbled, not hearing their replies as I stumbled wearily out the door and down the hall to my room. I pushed down on the handle and nothing happened. The door stayed still. I shoved, pressing my body weight against the wood, and it didn't budge. There was a red light on the handle which screamed 'locked' at me.

I left my key card inside and I was in my pajamas and extremely tired. I crumpled to the ground, bringing my knees to my chest and leaning my head on them, thinking of the wide bed that awaited me on the other side, the full pillows and thin sheets and the bliss of crashing out for several hours. My eyes drooped shut and in the darkness of sleep which was forcing me in, knowing I was only unconscious for two hours this morning, I heard Alex.

"Um, Des? Destery? Oh fuck. Don't you dare crash out on me."

Too late.